This one is going to hurt a little. It may even hurt a
lot. I know as I have been through various pains in my life, and even
disappointment, that each time it can leave a mark. A mark that doesn’t really
seem to ever go away. It may hurt less, it may heal even to where no one else
can tell it is there, but it can still linger and affect how I live. It is kind
of like a broken finger that hurts really badly at first but as it heals
it hurts less and less. Eventually, no one else can tell that it is still sore.
But it is sometimes, especially if it gets hit it in the same place. And one
thing can be very true of that finger; I may never use it again 100 percent.
What a tragedy. I believe that can be the enemy’s
strongest weapon; not to use just our pains, hurts, disappointments and failures
against us, but to actually keep us from not trusting 100 percent. To get us to
hold on and keep 10 percent, 20 percent or sometimes even 90 percent on reserve
to protect ourselves from being hurt again. We don’t give ourselves fully to
our new circumstances. We can even end up moving away and bringing it all with
us.
I have lived a few years of my life with the one foot in
one foot out mentality and it is not a place of peace. It is a place of worry,
a place of uncertainty, place of wrestling, and a place of loneliness. You
constantly think, “When this doesn’t work out I can always go back over here or
move over there.” Back and forth you go from one foot to the other until you
are exhausted. Until all you want is just a place to be swept off your feet from feeling the
pain and laid down to rest in the comfort of what you knew before the pain.
We become distant from people feeling like no one really
cares or understands because they cannot see the scars that were left. Some
expect you to move on before you are ready. Others get busy with their own
lives and the world just seems to be going on around you; like somehow you are
not even connected to it in anyway, except to feel lonely. You find yourself
wishing for at least one person to come and shine a light into your darkened
places. You pray that God would have someone see the pain that goes unnoticed
and go one step further and just show up. Someone to care enough to come after
you and pursue you so you can trust again. They are the person that opens your
hand to letting go of the percent you still hold onto that prevents you from
giving 100 percent. They care for you through the pain and the fears and all of
the tears that are shed through the releasing of this grip.
I know that is what God does for us and I believe it is
what He calls us to do for others. The problem is the more a person is hurt the
greater the distance at times and the stronger the pursuit often needs to be.
We may have to show up at their work or call them seventy times before they
start to believe you genuinely care about them. That you love them and want to
have a real relationship with them.
Sometimes they just need to be reminded that God loves
them. They need to be reminded that He took that risk and endured that pain for
us over and over. He knows what it is like to be hurt. Rejected. Beaten. Mocked.
Misunderstood. But He suffered long. He didn’t give up. He gave me one hundred
percent of Himself to give me life and display His love for me. How far was He
willing to go? How many risks was He willing to take? How many times would He
forgive and still not hold back because of His unrelenting love.
I want to love like that. I want to forgive like that. I
want to die to myself to give one hundred percent even if I am hurt again.
Rejected. Beaten. Mocked. I want to suffer long with people because they are
worth it. God thinks so. I want to risk it all again and again because I have
counted the cost and I know He is worth it.
I am so thankful that God speaks through His sons and
daughters so we can encourage one another to lay it all down again and again. I
don’t know where some of you are today. Whether you are one that has been hurt and
are holding back or you are one that needs to be the gentle voice into someone’s
life because they are hurting. But take the risk. Be free from whatever hinders
you. There is a cost, but it is not greater than the cost of holding on.
