I
often wish I could go back to the days where I was a carefree kid making mud
pies and eating cherries in the backyard. I love what I learned about myself through
the failed attempts of trying to grow cherry trees with the pits every summer.
I learned that I loved to get my hands dirty and that I was someone who never
gives up. I often wish I could go back to the days where I was a carefree kid
but the truth is I love responsibility and I love being more self-aware.
When
I was in Kindergarten I embarrassed my parents probably every day. I wasn't
afraid to do or say anything and that really got me into a lot of trouble. One
night at my Christmas program there I was on stage all dressed up like a sweet
innocent girl. All the smiling parents including my own were looking on,
proudly awaiting their child’s moment of fame. As I took center stage the kid
that was supposed to be on my right was on my left. That was not how we were
supposed to be standing, so being the incredibly sweet innocent girl that I was,
I helped him get to where he was supposed to be in the way that every
successful leader does. I yanked him by his arm across the stage. Now we could
move on with the show.
I
still have not lived that moment down. It is one of the stories my mom will be
telling about me forever. I remember my parents asking me afterwards, “Why didn't you just do the song with him on the other side?” It just didn't make
sense to me that way. I didn't understand the big deal about me taking charge
and setting things right. It was the way the teacher wanted it. It was the way
we rehearsed it and so it was the way it needed to be. I took responsibility and
I really thought I should be thanked for helping the show to go on. However,
what I learned over the course of my childhood, after many failed attempts to
take charge, was self-awareness.
I
likely gained most of my self-awareness through the countless hours I spent
grounded in my room thinking about what I had done. I often wish I could go
back to the days where I was a carefree kid but the truth is I love being
almost 42 years old. Through many poor choices, and a few good ones thrown in, I
have learned to pay attention to the way people react to the way I treat them. This
has helped me greatly in my leadership development and has made me more aware
of the way I work. But the most important aspect of being a leader
is not actually self-awareness, but rather, how you use your self-awareness to
impact the people and ultimately the world around you. Because lets me honest, you can be
self-aware and not change how you respond. And that is tragic.
The
next year when I was in first grade I hit boy over the head with my metal Kermit
the Frog lunch box giving him a big goose egg. Before you judge me let me
assure you, he had it coming. In my mind I was put on the earth to take charge
and set things right and he was making fun of my sister’s best friend who was
born unable to walk like the rest of us. Again, he had it coming. However, how
I chose to respond was quite possibly wrong. I have days where I still have to
remind myself that it isn't always appropriate to say what I feel or do what I want.
If I am being transparent and honest right now I will admit that I wish I could
go back to the days where I was a carefree kid who hits people over the head
with a metal lunch box. Thankfully for some, I was never allowed to have
another metal lunch box after that day.
It
seems transparency and self-awareness are new buzz words, but they are only the
beginning to helping us see who we are. The next step, the one that will
actually help us to succeed as leaders, is how we use our self-awareness to
better respond to the people around us. Just because I am aware that I want to
hit you over the head or yank you across the stage, and I am willing to admit
it, doesn't mean I will change my behavior. So what is the winning combination?
Becoming
self-aware and being transparent are great starting points of becoming a successful
leader. If you don’t know who you are and are not in tune with your strengths
and opportunities you won’t play well with others. (Just like my grade school
report card said.) But as leaders we need to consider how we fit with the
strengths and opportunities of the people we work with. It becomes less about taking
charge and setting things right and more about how your skill sets help to
complete a team. How you can put someone else on the right instead of the left
without yanking his arm off. It might be that you even give him center stage
and let him be in the middle. You learn to hit yourself over the head with the
lunch box, sometimes repeatedly, before you teach someone else how to respect
others. It becomes about taking responsibility and not blaming someone else for
our behavior.
