No Greater Reward

This die to serve thing is hard. Ten years ago I was wrestling with what it means to truly die to myself to serve. I started writing to really capture some things God was showing me along the way. Today I am looking back. I am wondering if I have learned anything? Will I ever start living like there is no greater reward? Living like it’s not just for me? Oh sure, I've blogged about it and I really try not to post a blog until I am willing to put my own flesh to it. But, it is easy to talk about stuff and much harder to be disciplined enough to actually die to serve.

If I am really honest I constantly have to filter my life through the fact that I am entitled to nothing. I own nothing and I am nothing apart from Him. We live in a world that increasingly tells us we are entitled. We are entitled to a good job if we go to college, we are entitled to health insurance if we hold down that job, and we are entitled to a bonus if we go above and beyond. And I am sure most of us are just fine with a world that says, “Thank you for accomplishing all you did this year. You deserve this great reward for producing such amazing results!”

But what happens when the rules change? What happens when I am challenged to actually remember that I am entitled to nothing and am owed nothing? What happens when I am told, “Thank you for doing such a great job? You exceeded our expectations and the results of your blood, sweat and tears led to us making our goals this year. So do you know what we are going to do? We are going to give you and all of your co-workers the same reward. No matter who they are. Isn't that great?”

Even the ones who don’t try? Even the ones who don’t care? Even the ones who don’t bother showing up on time? Even the ones who do their own thing? Who stand around while others get it done?

Even them.

At that moment do I not look back at all of my hard work and effort and start fighting an inward battle that proclaims, “That’s not fair?” Do I not start comparing myself to the people around me trying to measure their performance against mine? How is it that a person that has contributed at 5% is entitled to the same reward as one that has quadrupled those results? And suddenly there is an “I” in team. Suddenly I did something on my own to get there. Suddenly I am entitled.

And it is the strangest thing. I could care less about a reward while I am working. It isn't what motivates or drives me to serve. I don’t even mind working harder or smarter for those who are not there yet. But the minute payment is being rendered do I not expect it to be fair?

When will I start living like there is no greater reward? When will I stop worrying about who gets the reward as if there is something better out there? When will I remember that it isn't about who gets the payment but about my life being the payment? What am I willing to do? How far am I willing to go? No matter what! No matter who!

This is who Jesus is. He didn't stop and say, “This isn't fair. I shouldn't have to lay down my life for all these no good sinners not wanting to follow the law.” He was willing to endure the cost as a payment for all. Not just for me.