Calling Home

As my family sat in church a few Sundays ago, my husband’s phone lit up with an incoming call. I looked down and saw “Kyle” on the face of his phone and then looked at my husband. With overwhelming joy in my heart I whispered, “Go and answer it!”

We wait for that call every week now. Kyle is our first born son who left in November to join the military. He is still in training and at most he gets to call home now once a week. We long to hear his voice and to hear how he is doing. All week he is told when to get up, where to stand, how to stand, when to move and how to move, and then for a few hours once a week he gets a pass. On pass he is free to do whatever he wants with this time. Okay, it’s the military so it’s not whatever he wants but still he has a little freedom. He can go hang out with the other soldiers, go to the store or use his phone. This time it hit me that he is free to choose how he spends that time. He could spend it however he wants and he chooses to call home and talk to us. Wow.

As I thought about it, I found myself overwhelmed by God and His love for me . As people we all sin. And at some point in our lives we have been slaves to that sin. We end up feeling like my son who is being controlled by the US Army. We have no freedom. We are imprisoned and sin is our master drill sergeant. But Jesus came to set us free from that bondage and when we put our faith, hope and whole lives into His hands he gives us freedom. A non-controlling freedom to do whatever we want. But what do we do? Do we go on sinning just like before because we are forgiven and God will and can forgive us again? Do we put filthy rags back on and declare we are temples? Or do we call home and talk to our Father and hear His voice say our name? Do we use our freedom to rest in Him? To hear Him say, “I love you. I am proud of you, son, because you are beautifully and wonderfully made.”

We have the freedom to call home and talk to our Father. Not just on a pass that will end after a few hours, like my son when he calls us, but an endless freedom to be at home resting in Him for an eternity. I don’t know about you, but for me I don’t want go back to how I was before I had His freedom. His way brings life and joy, meaning, and purpose, and fills me in ways sin never could. His freedom pours out kindness, love and compassion. He is present in the mist of my suffering and the source of all of my joy. Whether I have a four hour pass or the rest of my life to give, I want to give it all to Him. I can only picture the look on our Father’s face when He sees us calling His name. Overwhelming.

Calling Home

As my family sat in church a few Sundays ago, my husband’s phone lit up with an incoming call. I looked down and saw “Kyle” on the face of his phone and then looked at my husband. With overwhelming joy in my heart I whispered, “Go and answer it!”

We wait for that call every week now. Kyle is our first born son who left in November to join the military. He is still in training and at most he gets to call home now once a week. We long to hear his voice and to hear how he is doing. All week he is told when to get up, where to stand, how to stand, when to move and how to move, and then for a few hours once a week he gets a pass. On pass he is free to do whatever he wants with this time. Okay, it’s the military so it’s not whatever he wants but still he has freedom. He can go hang out with the other soldiers, go to the store or use his phone. Today it hit me that he is free to do whatever he would like. He could do whatever he wants and he chooses to call home and talk to us. Wow.

I found myself overwhelmed by God and His love for me as I thought about it. As people we all sin. And at some point in our lives we have been slaves to that sin. We end up feeling like my son who is being controlled by the US Army. We have no freedom. We are imprisoned and sin is our master drill sergeant. But Jesus came to set us free from that bondage and when we put our faith, hope and whole lives into His hands he gives us freedom. A non-controlling freedom to do whatever we want. But what do we do? Do we go on sinning just like before because we are forgiven and God will and can forgive us again? Do we put filthy rags back on and declare we are temples? Or do we call home and talk to our Father and hear His voice say our name? Do we use our freedom to rest in Him? To hear Him say, “I love you. I am proud of you, son, because you are beautifully and wonderfully made.”

We have the freedom to call home and talk to our Father. Not just on a pass that will end after a few hours, like my son when he calls us, but an endless freedom to be at home resting in Him for an eternity. I don’t know about you but for me I don’t want go back to how I was before I had His freedom. His way brings life and joy, meaning and purpose, and fills me in ways sin never could. His freedom pours out kindness, love and compassion. He is present in the mist of my suffering and the source of all of my joy. Whether I have a four hour pass or the rest of my life to give I want to give it all to Him. I can only picture the look on my Father’s face when He sees us calling His name. Overwhelming.

 

 

"That's not nice."

One day my daughter came home from a middle school Christian youth gathering. I asked her how it went and she began to describe something all too familiar. My daughter explained that during discussion groups one of the young girls began talking about how she really cannot stand these two girls at school. The girls were mean to her and she really hated them for it.

This probably happens in every social circle in middle school. This is not new and certainly everyone alive has faced feeling hatred for someone who is mean to them. So I asked my daughter, “So what did the leader say to her?” My daughter told me that the leader told the young girl, “That’s not nice.”

Ugh.

I often found this difficult with my own children; to tell them that their behavior wasn’t right without looking into their hearts. To correct them by telling them, “That’s not nice.” However, to truly understand their behavior I must start with looking into their hearts and helping them see their true identity. They are children of God defined by the finished work of Jesus and who they are in Christ begins shaping what they do.

I grieved for this young girl who was opening up about her life. She chose to come into her community group that night and confess the struggling in her heart. Maybe she said it nasty and maybe she wasn’t being “nice”, but I wondered what the church would be like if we responded differently to honesty. I wondered how this young girl viewed her identity in Christ, and I wondered what would happen if she were to respond to these mean girls out of that identity.

Let us believe for a moment that this young girl knew that it was “not nice” to hate people and that is why she opened up. Let us just believe that she wanted to change and that telling someone of her struggle would free her and would allow her to love these “mean” girls. That her small group would understand her struggle. That this gathering would be a safe place to not pretend to be “nice” but to admit when sin was invading her heart. That her group would sharpen and encourage her to live in His righteousness and not her own. In His strength and not her own. That they would point her in the direction of her true identity when the world was trying to tell her lies about it.

It isn’t about being nice or not being nice. It is about giving ourselves to the only one that resisted retaliation of people who were mean. The only one who could overcome temptation and the only one who can heal us from the guilt and the shame that causes us to hide and pretend. Let’s believe for a moment that what this young girl was doing was being honest and that what she didn’t need was a reminder that she is “not nice” but a reminder that Jesus’ love for her is overwhelming. That He paid it all and now she is free to love even those who are mean because they are not her identity. Jesus is.

DieToServe: Reconcile

DieToServe: Reconcile: There they were staring at me like a beacon in the face. I have read these words before. I have even quoted them. But there they were in Romans 5...

Reconcile

There they were staring at me like a beacon in my face. I have read these words before. I have even quoted them. But there they were in Romans 5, “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for the righteous person-though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die- but God shows his love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” I have believed these words for myself. They remind me how much God loves me and how great His love is for all of His people. He died. And not just for me. But He didn’t just die. He conquered death so that I could be reconciled to Him and to give me life.

And yet who am I willing to go to? Who am I willing to die for? Who am I willing to give life to? Would I be willing to sacrifice in order to reconcile with them? Would I be willing to die to myself to serve them? What can wash away my sin? “Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” What can wash away their sin? “Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” Do I believe that? If I did would I worry about my pride? Would I go to even my enemies like Christ did and die for them so they may have life. His sacrificial love not only redeems my life, it reconciles me to Him. So why would I be at odds with anyone? Why wouldn’t I choose reconciliation?

Why would I choose to sit back thinking my enemy wronged me so they should come to me? They should be the one to say they are sorry. They should humble themselves in front of me because they hurt me. They sinned against me. I even want other people to know that they were unkind to me. That they are not as nice as others might think they are. I want everyone to know that, what? That they are sinners? Ha! So am I. Is it not the blood and nothing but the blood? Did it not cover all sin but only those I commit against others? While I was still a sinner Christ died for me. He came to me. He rescued me, from my guilt and shame. From my darkness and despair. He brought me from death to life.

Christ didn’t wait for the wrong to come to Him. He didn’t ask the sinner to clean up his mess before He forgave him. He broke in and was willing to die in our place displaying the ultimate sacrifice. A fragrant love offering poured out for all in order to give life and to reconcile us back to the unity we once had in Him.

So, who am I willing to go to? Who am I willing to die for? Who am I willing to give life to? Would I be willing to sacrifice in order to reconcile with them? Would I be willing to die to myself to serve them? What can wash away my sin? “Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” What can wash away my brother or sister’s sin? “Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” So let me humbly go before my brother and let me humbly go before my sister and ask them to forgive me for the anger I have felt towards them. For we are all sinners who are only justified by the blood of Jesus Christ.

The Defender

The other day I was driving in the car with my kids and I was pondering this post. Wondering if I would ever have the clarity to write it and then, in one of those teachable moments I often have with my kids, it happened. God taught me through my own spoken words.

There we were driving along and one of the kids was being unkind to another. Crazy, I know, but there it was. So, I stepped in and pointed out the obvious and explained that he owed his brother an apology for his unkind actions. He said he was sorry but then started listing his brother’s offenses. I heard them all, but didn’t acknowledge any of the statements that were attempting to point the finger away from him and onto his brother. And then the brother who was being accused starts in on his own unkindness. I said, “That’s enough” only to be followed by, “But he is saying a bunch of things I was obviously joking about.” To which I replied, “Am I responding to his accusing words towards you?”

Hmm…And there it was. I was the parent capable of discerning the truth and recognizing who was right and wrong. That is why I was not giving much thought to the side tracking arguments of the accuser. But how often do I want to defend myself even with a perfect Father? How often do I want to make sure that the world knows that I am not the one who is wrong? How often do I jump to justify myself even in situations where I know I cannot win? Where I am fighting a losing battle?

This is one of the biggest things I learned this past year. I don’t need to defend myself. I don’t need to seek to justify myself and I don’t need anyone to know that I wasn’t the one who messed up even when I didn’t. I don’t need to have anyone say, “You know what? You’re right.” I don’t have to justify myself to save face because I have already been justified. I have a defender and I cannot come close to defending myself to the degree He has defended me.

The crazy thing is that I often forget this. When decisions are made around me, even ones that are not personally affecting me, but ones that affect people or things I care about I get into my best defender stance and my passion overwhelms me. I feel I need to speak out against the injustice around me, to right the wrongs and ultimately there I stand unguarded and out in the open. Somehow I’ve switched places and realize I am defending my Defender.  I am now venerable and have placed myself in a position that allows people to attack from all sides, rather than standing in my rightful place, allowing my Defender to go before me and behind me.

All of this, of course, could be justified by the fact that I was defending things that are important to Him. I was defending things He had died for. And I was defending things that He cares about more than I do. I needed these accusers to see what they were doing, not to me, but to my Defender and His name. But when did my Defender ever give these accusers words any thought? When did He ever ask me to defend Him?

He knows who He is and whose He is. He knows perfect right from perfect wrong. He is truth. He is Just. So why did I think He needed a defender.  I guess I just didn’t realize what I was doing. But, I was wasting energy on defending a God that is the defender of all. At the cross Jesus didn’t even defend Himself. He had every right to, but He knew He was innocent and He was about to die for the guilty. He gave His life for all, even the people that I try to defend my God against. He doesn’t need me to defend Him. He invites me to rest in Him and quit blocking His way with my measly five foot defensive stance. I have a responsibility but it is to follow my defender and invite others to know Him and take refuge under His wing while He defends us from the accusers. We are the ones in need of Him. We need the defender, not the other way around.

“God my strength, I am looking to you, because God is my defender. My God loves me, and he goes in front of me. He will help me defeat my enemies.” Psalm 59:9-10  

The Cost is Worth 100 Percent

This one is going to hurt a little. It may even hurt a lot. I know as I have been through various pains in my life, and even disappointment, that each time it can leave a mark. A mark that doesn’t really seem to ever go away. It may hurt less, it may heal even to where no one else can tell it is there, but it can still linger and affect how I live. It is kind of like a broken finger that hurts really badly at first but as it heals it hurts less and less. Eventually, no one else can tell that it is still sore. But it is sometimes, especially if it gets hit it in the same place. And one thing can be very true of that finger; I may never use it again 100 percent.

 

What a tragedy. I believe that can be the enemy’s strongest weapon; not to use just our pains, hurts, disappointments and failures against us, but to actually keep us from not trusting 100 percent. To get us to hold on and keep 10 percent, 20 percent or sometimes even 90 percent on reserve to protect ourselves from being hurt again. We don’t give ourselves fully to our new circumstances. We can even end up moving away and bringing it all with us.

 

I have lived a few years of my life with the one foot in one foot out mentality and it is not a place of peace. It is a place of worry, a place of uncertainty, place of wrestling, and a place of loneliness. You constantly think, “When this doesn’t work out I can always go back over here or move over there.” Back and forth you go from one foot to the other until you are exhausted. Until all you want is just a place to be swept off your feet from feeling the pain and laid down to rest in the comfort of what you knew before the pain.

 

We become distant from people feeling like no one really cares or understands because they cannot see the scars that were left. Some expect you to move on before you are ready. Others get busy with their own lives and the world just seems to be going on around you; like somehow you are not even connected to it in anyway, except to feel lonely. You find yourself wishing for at least one person to come and shine a light into your darkened places. You pray that God would have someone see the pain that goes unnoticed and go one step further and just show up. Someone to care enough to come after you and pursue you so you can trust again. They are the person that opens your hand to letting go of the percent you still hold onto that prevents you from giving 100 percent. They care for you through the pain and the fears and all of the tears that are shed through the releasing of this grip.

 

I know that is what God does for us and I believe it is what He calls us to do for others. The problem is the more a person is hurt the greater the distance at times and the stronger the pursuit often needs to be. We may have to show up at their work or call them seventy times before they start to believe you genuinely care about them. That you love them and want to have a real relationship with them.

 

Sometimes they just need to be reminded that God loves them. They need to be reminded that He took that risk and endured that pain for us over and over. He knows what it is like to be hurt. Rejected. Beaten. Mocked. Misunderstood. But He suffered long. He didn’t give up. He gave me one hundred percent of Himself to give me life and display His love for me. How far was He willing to go? How many risks was He willing to take? How many times would He forgive and still not hold back because of His unrelenting love.

 

I want to love like that. I want to forgive like that. I want to die to myself to give one hundred percent even if I am hurt again. Rejected. Beaten. Mocked. I want to suffer long with people because they are worth it. God thinks so. I want to risk it all again and again because I have counted the cost and I know He is worth it.

 

I am so thankful that God speaks through His sons and daughters so we can encourage one another to lay it all down again and again. I don’t know where some of you are today. Whether you are one that has been hurt and are holding back or you are one that needs to be the gentle voice into someone’s life because they are hurting. But take the risk. Be free from whatever hinders you. There is a cost, but it is not greater than the cost of holding on.