"That's not nice."

One day my daughter came home from a middle school Christian youth gathering. I asked her how it went and she began to describe something all too familiar. My daughter explained that during discussion groups one of the young girls began talking about how she really cannot stand these two girls at school. The girls were mean to her and she really hated them for it.

This probably happens in every social circle in middle school. This is not new and certainly everyone alive has faced feeling hatred for someone who is mean to them. So I asked my daughter, “So what did the leader say to her?” My daughter told me that the leader told the young girl, “That’s not nice.”

Ugh.

I often found this difficult with my own children; to tell them that their behavior wasn’t right without looking into their hearts. To correct them by telling them, “That’s not nice.” However, to truly understand their behavior I must start with looking into their hearts and helping them see their true identity. They are children of God defined by the finished work of Jesus and who they are in Christ begins shaping what they do.

I grieved for this young girl who was opening up about her life. She chose to come into her community group that night and confess the struggling in her heart. Maybe she said it nasty and maybe she wasn’t being “nice”, but I wondered what the church would be like if we responded differently to honesty. I wondered how this young girl viewed her identity in Christ, and I wondered what would happen if she were to respond to these mean girls out of that identity.

Let us believe for a moment that this young girl knew that it was “not nice” to hate people and that is why she opened up. Let us just believe that she wanted to change and that telling someone of her struggle would free her and would allow her to love these “mean” girls. That her small group would understand her struggle. That this gathering would be a safe place to not pretend to be “nice” but to admit when sin was invading her heart. That her group would sharpen and encourage her to live in His righteousness and not her own. In His strength and not her own. That they would point her in the direction of her true identity when the world was trying to tell her lies about it.

It isn’t about being nice or not being nice. It is about giving ourselves to the only one that resisted retaliation of people who were mean. The only one who could overcome temptation and the only one who can heal us from the guilt and the shame that causes us to hide and pretend. Let’s believe for a moment that what this young girl was doing was being honest and that what she didn’t need was a reminder that she is “not nice” but a reminder that Jesus’ love for her is overwhelming. That He paid it all and now she is free to love even those who are mean because they are not her identity. Jesus is.

DieToServe: Reconcile

DieToServe: Reconcile: There they were staring at me like a beacon in the face. I have read these words before. I have even quoted them. But there they were in Romans 5...

Reconcile

There they were staring at me like a beacon in my face. I have read these words before. I have even quoted them. But there they were in Romans 5, “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for the righteous person-though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die- but God shows his love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” I have believed these words for myself. They remind me how much God loves me and how great His love is for all of His people. He died. And not just for me. But He didn’t just die. He conquered death so that I could be reconciled to Him and to give me life.

And yet who am I willing to go to? Who am I willing to die for? Who am I willing to give life to? Would I be willing to sacrifice in order to reconcile with them? Would I be willing to die to myself to serve them? What can wash away my sin? “Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” What can wash away their sin? “Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” Do I believe that? If I did would I worry about my pride? Would I go to even my enemies like Christ did and die for them so they may have life. His sacrificial love not only redeems my life, it reconciles me to Him. So why would I be at odds with anyone? Why wouldn’t I choose reconciliation?

Why would I choose to sit back thinking my enemy wronged me so they should come to me? They should be the one to say they are sorry. They should humble themselves in front of me because they hurt me. They sinned against me. I even want other people to know that they were unkind to me. That they are not as nice as others might think they are. I want everyone to know that, what? That they are sinners? Ha! So am I. Is it not the blood and nothing but the blood? Did it not cover all sin but only those I commit against others? While I was still a sinner Christ died for me. He came to me. He rescued me, from my guilt and shame. From my darkness and despair. He brought me from death to life.

Christ didn’t wait for the wrong to come to Him. He didn’t ask the sinner to clean up his mess before He forgave him. He broke in and was willing to die in our place displaying the ultimate sacrifice. A fragrant love offering poured out for all in order to give life and to reconcile us back to the unity we once had in Him.

So, who am I willing to go to? Who am I willing to die for? Who am I willing to give life to? Would I be willing to sacrifice in order to reconcile with them? Would I be willing to die to myself to serve them? What can wash away my sin? “Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” What can wash away my brother or sister’s sin? “Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” So let me humbly go before my brother and let me humbly go before my sister and ask them to forgive me for the anger I have felt towards them. For we are all sinners who are only justified by the blood of Jesus Christ.

The Defender

The other day I was driving in the car with my kids and I was pondering this post. Wondering if I would ever have the clarity to write it and then, in one of those teachable moments I often have with my kids, it happened. God taught me through my own spoken words.

There we were driving along and one of the kids was being unkind to another. Crazy, I know, but there it was. So, I stepped in and pointed out the obvious and explained that he owed his brother an apology for his unkind actions. He said he was sorry but then started listing his brother’s offenses. I heard them all, but didn’t acknowledge any of the statements that were attempting to point the finger away from him and onto his brother. And then the brother who was being accused starts in on his own unkindness. I said, “That’s enough” only to be followed by, “But he is saying a bunch of things I was obviously joking about.” To which I replied, “Am I responding to his accusing words towards you?”

Hmm…And there it was. I was the parent capable of discerning the truth and recognizing who was right and wrong. That is why I was not giving much thought to the side tracking arguments of the accuser. But how often do I want to defend myself even with a perfect Father? How often do I want to make sure that the world knows that I am not the one who is wrong? How often do I jump to justify myself even in situations where I know I cannot win? Where I am fighting a losing battle?

This is one of the biggest things I learned this past year. I don’t need to defend myself. I don’t need to seek to justify myself and I don’t need anyone to know that I wasn’t the one who messed up even when I didn’t. I don’t need to have anyone say, “You know what? You’re right.” I don’t have to justify myself to save face because I have already been justified. I have a defender and I cannot come close to defending myself to the degree He has defended me.

The crazy thing is that I often forget this. When decisions are made around me, even ones that are not personally affecting me, but ones that affect people or things I care about I get into my best defender stance and my passion overwhelms me. I feel I need to speak out against the injustice around me, to right the wrongs and ultimately there I stand unguarded and out in the open. Somehow I’ve switched places and realize I am defending my Defender.  I am now venerable and have placed myself in a position that allows people to attack from all sides, rather than standing in my rightful place, allowing my Defender to go before me and behind me.

All of this, of course, could be justified by the fact that I was defending things that are important to Him. I was defending things He had died for. And I was defending things that He cares about more than I do. I needed these accusers to see what they were doing, not to me, but to my Defender and His name. But when did my Defender ever give these accusers words any thought? When did He ever ask me to defend Him?

He knows who He is and whose He is. He knows perfect right from perfect wrong. He is truth. He is Just. So why did I think He needed a defender.  I guess I just didn’t realize what I was doing. But, I was wasting energy on defending a God that is the defender of all. At the cross Jesus didn’t even defend Himself. He had every right to, but He knew He was innocent and He was about to die for the guilty. He gave His life for all, even the people that I try to defend my God against. He doesn’t need me to defend Him. He invites me to rest in Him and quit blocking His way with my measly five foot defensive stance. I have a responsibility but it is to follow my defender and invite others to know Him and take refuge under His wing while He defends us from the accusers. We are the ones in need of Him. We need the defender, not the other way around.

“God my strength, I am looking to you, because God is my defender. My God loves me, and he goes in front of me. He will help me defeat my enemies.” Psalm 59:9-10  

The Cost is Worth 100 Percent

This one is going to hurt a little. It may even hurt a lot. I know as I have been through various pains in my life, and even disappointment, that each time it can leave a mark. A mark that doesn’t really seem to ever go away. It may hurt less, it may heal even to where no one else can tell it is there, but it can still linger and affect how I live. It is kind of like a broken finger that hurts really badly at first but as it heals it hurts less and less. Eventually, no one else can tell that it is still sore. But it is sometimes, especially if it gets hit it in the same place. And one thing can be very true of that finger; I may never use it again 100 percent.

 

What a tragedy. I believe that can be the enemy’s strongest weapon; not to use just our pains, hurts, disappointments and failures against us, but to actually keep us from not trusting 100 percent. To get us to hold on and keep 10 percent, 20 percent or sometimes even 90 percent on reserve to protect ourselves from being hurt again. We don’t give ourselves fully to our new circumstances. We can even end up moving away and bringing it all with us.

 

I have lived a few years of my life with the one foot in one foot out mentality and it is not a place of peace. It is a place of worry, a place of uncertainty, place of wrestling, and a place of loneliness. You constantly think, “When this doesn’t work out I can always go back over here or move over there.” Back and forth you go from one foot to the other until you are exhausted. Until all you want is just a place to be swept off your feet from feeling the pain and laid down to rest in the comfort of what you knew before the pain.

 

We become distant from people feeling like no one really cares or understands because they cannot see the scars that were left. Some expect you to move on before you are ready. Others get busy with their own lives and the world just seems to be going on around you; like somehow you are not even connected to it in anyway, except to feel lonely. You find yourself wishing for at least one person to come and shine a light into your darkened places. You pray that God would have someone see the pain that goes unnoticed and go one step further and just show up. Someone to care enough to come after you and pursue you so you can trust again. They are the person that opens your hand to letting go of the percent you still hold onto that prevents you from giving 100 percent. They care for you through the pain and the fears and all of the tears that are shed through the releasing of this grip.

 

I know that is what God does for us and I believe it is what He calls us to do for others. The problem is the more a person is hurt the greater the distance at times and the stronger the pursuit often needs to be. We may have to show up at their work or call them seventy times before they start to believe you genuinely care about them. That you love them and want to have a real relationship with them.

 

Sometimes they just need to be reminded that God loves them. They need to be reminded that He took that risk and endured that pain for us over and over. He knows what it is like to be hurt. Rejected. Beaten. Mocked. Misunderstood. But He suffered long. He didn’t give up. He gave me one hundred percent of Himself to give me life and display His love for me. How far was He willing to go? How many risks was He willing to take? How many times would He forgive and still not hold back because of His unrelenting love.

 

I want to love like that. I want to forgive like that. I want to die to myself to give one hundred percent even if I am hurt again. Rejected. Beaten. Mocked. I want to suffer long with people because they are worth it. God thinks so. I want to risk it all again and again because I have counted the cost and I know He is worth it.

 

I am so thankful that God speaks through His sons and daughters so we can encourage one another to lay it all down again and again. I don’t know where some of you are today. Whether you are one that has been hurt and are holding back or you are one that needs to be the gentle voice into someone’s life because they are hurting. But take the risk. Be free from whatever hinders you. There is a cost, but it is not greater than the cost of holding on.

Righteousness

I am fed. I am full. I am stuffed full and fed. I am right. I can see no wrong. I am strong. I am winning. I fight to justify myself. Every view point I hold is the best. And not just for me. I get others to agree with me and convince them to see things my way. My ego is increased. There is more of me. My voice is loud. My arrogance prevents me from listening and when I try I cannot hear. I am a leech. I suck life out of all who hear me shouting from high on my hill. I care for no one who stands in my way. My name be known. My name be greater. I am better. I know what is best. Not just for me. I am self-righteousness.

I am hungry. I am empty. I am desperate, hungry and empty. I am wrong. I can see it. I feel weak. I am losing. I am tired of fighting to justify myself. Every view point I held was skewed just for me. I need something to fill me. My ego is decreasing. There is less of me. My voice is quieted. I am humbled and listen and when I listen I can hear. I am naked. I am a sinner and I have been rescued from high on a hill. He cared for me, a no one, and stood in my place. His name be known. His name be greater. He is better. He knows what is best. Not just for me. He is righteousness.

I am fed. I am full. I am satisfied, full and fed. I am made right. I have repented my wrong. In my weakness He is strong. He has won. I am justified. His view point is perfect. And not just for me. It is finished. I find no reason to convince others to see things my way. I would rather they see His way. My ego is broken and laid at His feet. My voice is a song of praise to Him. His holiness allows me to see my sin and hear the temptations and the lies. I am covered. My sin put to death high on that hill. I care for others because I am not better. My name was unknown. I was not greater. His way is better. I am forgiven. I am made new. I am justified. Not just for me. He is my righteousness.

He is Jesus. He is not just for me.

The Christmas My Eyes Were Opened

Growing up I would have said that my most memorable Christmas and holiday traditions were full of Christmas music, presents, being forced to sit on Santa’s lap, awkward family photos, and of course the ever popular "cram into the family car and try to find the house that had created the most obnoxious light display." This gradually changed as I got older and learned about the birth of Jesus. I would try to get my Christmas shopping done early so that I could focus on its true meaning, and yet come Christmas morning, it still felt like materialism had seized the day and that all Jesus is and had done was still somehow overlooked.

 

Four years ago, that all changed for my family.We found ourselves in the middle of high end Suburbia, surrounded by the American Dream, unemployed and about to lose everything. Would the unemployment check come in time? Would we be living a true Suburban life in the back of our Chevy Suburban? Living in one of the most expensive places on earth, where most people around us had everything the moment they needed it, and us with four kids unsure of how we would pay our bills, God did something amazing. He didn’t give us a money tree in our backyard. He didn’t give Jeremy a job right away. He didn’t send an angel in the middle of the night to put presents under our tree or rain manna from heaven to feed our growing kids. But He did provide all we needed, and He gave us something that was worth more than all those things combined. He allowed us to slow down and truly see people. To receive more of Him and participate in what He was already doing in a way we would not have been able to if we were caught up in the materialism and chaos that Christmas so often becomes.

 

In the middle of feeling we had nothing to give, God opened our eyes. When my sister’s Denali had to go to the shop we were able to let her borrow our old Dodge Caravan since we only needed one car. We were able to go to a cold weather shelter and feed, serve and relate to people there in a new way. He awakened us to how we regularly chose busyness over people, entitlement over humility, selfishness over generosity, Bible studies over Biblical living, significance over sacrifice, the American Dream over contentment. When face to face with the reality that we could lose all that we had, we found true contentment. We realized that no one could take away the one thing that mattered more than anything. Jesus came to Earth, suffering in a greater way than we will ever have to endure, all because He loves us. All that the world has to offer can be lost in the blink of an eye, but the love our Savior poured out for us on the cross is endless.

 

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. When you are out shopping this Christmas remember we are celebrating Emmanuel. We have the opportunity every day He gives us breath to love the world around us and show them Emmanuel. God is with us. No material thing is worth being too busy for people. No gift is better than the gift of Love that was given to us. Slow down, let Him show you the needs all around you and enjoy giving. You won't believe all you will receive.

 

More of Him.