Receive and Pass On

When my youngest son Morgan turned ten he discovered his love for soccer. First it was new and he thought it was kind of fun to get in there and learn how to play. As he grew to understand it more he now is completely passionate about it and wants to play every chance he gets. 

The other day we were getting into the car to go kick the ball around at the local soccer field when he started telling us about playing soccer during recess. He told us about how another boy was really impressed by his moves and tricks. When Morgan showed him how he can do a cross behind kick, the boy was like, “Wow!” This kid was captivated by Morgan and I thought to myself, “Oh, no. Here we go. He is going to try to show off now and become an idol.”

But I continued to listen to him as he described what happened next. Rather than telling the other kid to watch another sweet move he can do or arrogantly telling him that he knows he is good, Morgan simply said to him, “Hey, I am happy to show you.”

Wow, I thought. He is ten and he gets it. And it really is that simple. He has received training, skills, gifts and talent and rather than use it for his own glory he is willing to pass it on. He isn't going to try to hoard it, or try to be the best or even show off. Instead he was willing to humbly say to the other boy, “I will teach you everything I know.”

He may learn more from teaching someone else than that person ever gets from him. And as Morgan begins to teach his friend how to do certain things Morgan may mess up himself and even miss the goal. He will fail and have to explain to the other boy that he missed the mark and get up and try again. 

The other boy will also fail as he begins learning these new skills. It isn't going to come to him the first day or on the first try, but it is about growing, learning and becoming more like a soccer player every day. This is discipleship. Receiving and passing on. Teaching someone else and pointing them to a common goal while you yourself are fully in the game and continuing to learn as well.

When I first receive something new and it is fun I want to keep it to myself. I want to just enjoy it! However, as it brings me joy I become passionate about it and want to share it. But sometimes there is a tendency for me to think I have earned something on my own and then I feel entitled to keep it. I hoard it and do not share it.

At times I feel threatened by someone else who has more than me or might take the glory from me and I stop passing on to protect myself. I mean I don’t want to end up on the side line while someone else gets to be in the game because I taught them everything I know and now they have become greater than me. Sometimes they will even take credit for something I have shown them how to do.

At that point have I not lost sight of the mission? Is it about receiving and passing on or about being the greatest? Is about giving away something I have been given to reach a common goal or about others following me? I mean do I want someone who begins looking like me or looking like a “soccer player”? If the goal is winning the game is it not best for me to stand back at times and simply coach and encourage those who are in the game? Even the ones who are now “better” than me.

Whether in our work place, our neighborhoods, churches or schools we can either believe that we have been given everything we have and have received it in order to pass it on. Or we can hoard what we have and believe that we somehow had something to do with how we got to a certain place ourselves.

I own nothing. The more I have grown in that knowledge, the more I want to give away everything I have every chance that I get. And the goal no longer is for me to get anything in return. I mean have I not received everything I have in order to pass it on anyways? I no longer need to get the glory or worry about someone taking credit for the things I have taught them because they weren't really my things to begin with. I have no need to feel threatened by others even those who know more than me. I simply get the joy of receiving what I have been given and inviting others to share in it by passing it on.

Under The Rug

A few weeks ago my ten year old son was asked to brainstorm ideas for a personal memoir at school. In doing so, all of his ideas came back to times he spent with his big brother. He decided to write about when we went to his big brother’s military graduation and he became overwhelmed with emotion. He misses his big brother. He has so many sweet memories with him and that is a beautiful thing. But sometimes there is pain in the mist of something beautiful and there is weeping over the loss of it. So how do we respond? My concern is, often we respond by avoiding it. His teacher, though I know she meant well, took him into the hallway and suggested that maybe he write about something else…something less painful.

Have you ever been responded to in that way? I know I have many times in my life. I needed to talk to someone about something utterly painful or I was dealing with a loss in my life and it was extremely raw. Every time it was brought up I began to weep; sometimes even wail or get angry. And what is worse than being vulnerable and crying in front of someone is when they lift up the rug. Instead of being available to you, a shoulder to cry on, a leg to stand on, or an ear to listen (really listen), they lift up the rug and sweep you under it.

I mean do we really think that by not talking about pain it will somehow just miraculously go away? Do we think that if we throw someone under the rug that it will somehow turn into a magic carpet that sweeps them away to the land of make believe where everyone is smiling and happily singing, “It’s A Small World”?

I wonder what we as the church would be like if we really meant it when we said, “Come as you are.” If we really meant it when we said, “You need to be ‘in community’ with one another.”  If, when we invite someone to come out of hiding, we actually listen to them and point them to Jesus instead of judging them, trying to fix them, or trying to get them to see how we see. If we would offer to pray with them instead of putting flowery words over their pain saying, “It’s all going to work out,” while quickly moving onto another less upsetting topic.

My favorite has to be when people try to guess why God is doing something in my life. People have caused me more pain from trying to do that because they often indirectly accuse me, as if my sin is the reason why I am going through a difficult time. Sometimes that could be. But sometimes innocent people are hurt because someone else isn’t following God’s plan. Is that really that hard for us to understand? Have we not all felt the weight of our own sin as well as the weight of someone else’s sin on us?

What has happened to you when you have come out of hiding before or shared from your heart? I know I have been attacked for feeling a certain way and expressing it. What has happened to you when you have cried and expressed deep pain about something? Have you ever experienced just good old-fashioned avoidance? “Let’s not talk about it. Let’s pretend it didn’t even happen. Let’s pretend you are not struggling in that area because it is just too messy. Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

We need to lay down the rug and perhaps nail it to the floor. There is no light under there. We need each other to lift our eyes and allow God to expose what He needs to expose. That is where healing can begin; when we come out of hiding and stop pretending. His holiness can be trusted to reveal all that is needed. Let us be the church that invites others to seek His face with us. Let’s be the church that isn’t shocked when people sin or are sinned against and love one another as Christ has loved us. Pain can be beautiful. Let us be willing to die to ourselves and allow the rug to get messy so others can have life.

Labels

As parents we want to see our children do well and feel good. When my oldest was little I hated to see him cry it tore at my mommy heart strings to watch his lip quiver and tears stream down his cheeks. As he got older he learned how to manipulate me with his emotions and he started to throw fits. He would kick and scream and try to get his way and somewhere along the line I am sure I labeled him strong-willed. I know my own mom was glad to see me get my due as I was also a very difficult young girl.

 

Then my second child was born. When he wanted his way he just did what he wanted and disregarded what he was being told as if he couldn’t hear us. The oldest was a fit thrower, and the younger was an ignorer. They were like night and day. The oldest was athletic and wanted to fit in and the second was into music and walking to the beat of his own drum. The oldest became a baseball player and was defined by it. The second was a guitar player and was defined by that. People often asked us why our second son didn’t play baseball like his brother as if it was what all boys should do. But we allowed them each to explore their bend and discover the way God had uniquely designed them to be. They had both found what they were good at and there is nothing wrong with that, right?

 

But what happens to us if we are defined by what we do? What happens to us if we are defined by our behaviors? It becomes our identity. So my oldest son’s identity was a strong-willed baseball player and my second son’s identity was a laid–back guitar player who likes to be an individual. Even I grew up knowing that I was a defiant, ornery little stinker who gave looks that could kill and never cried at movies. Maybe growing up someone called you difficult or labeled you a bully or announced, “Here comes trouble” every time you entered the room. Or perhaps you were labeled by “good” behaviors like nice or polite.

 

Somewhere along the way your teachers, coaches, parents or friends have labeled you or boxed you in because you were a certain way or had or didn’t have a certain skill. It seems we have all been given labels at some point in our lives and if you are like me you felt the need to live up to them. They define who you are and they affect how you see yourself. You may even feel the need to be that person on the outside but on the inside that is not who you really are. You end up feeling trapped by these labels and they become your identity. And what happens if you stop being a baseball player, or a bully or “nice”?  You have an identity crisis, right? You no longer know who you are.

 

But what would happen if we defined our children by their true identity? What would happen if from day one we pointed them to their maker and told them how much they are loved despite their behavior? That they are wonderfully made. That they were chosen and dearly loved before the creation of the world. That they are the workmanship of the creator of the whole universe. That they are a holy temple and a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit.  That they are a child of God and there is no greater identity than that. That they are a sheep of His pasture and that they have everything they need in Him. They need to look no further. They need not put their hope in anything else. They have nothing and are nothing apart from Him. The very breath in their lungs comes from the one who laid down His life so that they could have a new life free from these labels.

 

The enemy is always going to try to rob us of our true identity and get us to believe God is holding out on us and our children are not immune to this. He will use labels and try to deceive us all. He will try to get us to see ourselves better or worse than we ought to. I want my children to know that these are lies. That it’s a trap and that nothing is greater than the identity that is available to them in Christ. Sin will look less appealing when we define ourselves by who we are in Him. Image-bearers. Ministers of reconciliation. Blameless. Set Free.

 

As parents we want to see our children do well and feel good. Our children will misbehave and they will believe lies. They will throw fits and embarrass us and they will hit the winning homerun and make us proud. But that is not who they are. So, remind them of the truth every day so they can choose to believe in life over lies, freedom over sin and their true identity over labels. Help your children to see who they are by who God is, not by what they do.