Labels

As parents we want to see our children do well and feel good. When my oldest was little I hated to see him cry it tore at my mommy heart strings to watch his lip quiver and tears stream down his cheeks. As he got older he learned how to manipulate me with his emotions and he started to throw fits. He would kick and scream and try to get his way and somewhere along the line I am sure I labeled him strong-willed. I know my own mom was glad to see me get my due as I was also a very difficult young girl.

 

Then my second child was born. When he wanted his way he just did what he wanted and disregarded what he was being told as if he couldn’t hear us. The oldest was a fit thrower, and the younger was an ignorer. They were like night and day. The oldest was athletic and wanted to fit in and the second was into music and walking to the beat of his own drum. The oldest became a baseball player and was defined by it. The second was a guitar player and was defined by that. People often asked us why our second son didn’t play baseball like his brother as if it was what all boys should do. But we allowed them each to explore their bend and discover the way God had uniquely designed them to be. They had both found what they were good at and there is nothing wrong with that, right?

 

But what happens to us if we are defined by what we do? What happens to us if we are defined by our behaviors? It becomes our identity. So my oldest son’s identity was a strong-willed baseball player and my second son’s identity was a laid–back guitar player who likes to be an individual. Even I grew up knowing that I was a defiant, ornery little stinker who gave looks that could kill and never cried at movies. Maybe growing up someone called you difficult or labeled you a bully or announced, “Here comes trouble” every time you entered the room. Or perhaps you were labeled by “good” behaviors like nice or polite.

 

Somewhere along the way your teachers, coaches, parents or friends have labeled you or boxed you in because you were a certain way or had or didn’t have a certain skill. It seems we have all been given labels at some point in our lives and if you are like me you felt the need to live up to them. They define who you are and they affect how you see yourself. You may even feel the need to be that person on the outside but on the inside that is not who you really are. You end up feeling trapped by these labels and they become your identity. And what happens if you stop being a baseball player, or a bully or “nice”?  You have an identity crisis, right? You no longer know who you are.

 

But what would happen if we defined our children by their true identity? What would happen if from day one we pointed them to their maker and told them how much they are loved despite their behavior? That they are wonderfully made. That they were chosen and dearly loved before the creation of the world. That they are the workmanship of the creator of the whole universe. That they are a holy temple and a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit.  That they are a child of God and there is no greater identity than that. That they are a sheep of His pasture and that they have everything they need in Him. They need to look no further. They need not put their hope in anything else. They have nothing and are nothing apart from Him. The very breath in their lungs comes from the one who laid down His life so that they could have a new life free from these labels.

 

The enemy is always going to try to rob us of our true identity and get us to believe God is holding out on us and our children are not immune to this. He will use labels and try to deceive us all. He will try to get us to see ourselves better or worse than we ought to. I want my children to know that these are lies. That it’s a trap and that nothing is greater than the identity that is available to them in Christ. Sin will look less appealing when we define ourselves by who we are in Him. Image-bearers. Ministers of reconciliation. Blameless. Set Free.

 

As parents we want to see our children do well and feel good. Our children will misbehave and they will believe lies. They will throw fits and embarrass us and they will hit the winning homerun and make us proud. But that is not who they are. So, remind them of the truth every day so they can choose to believe in life over lies, freedom over sin and their true identity over labels. Help your children to see who they are by who God is, not by what they do.