Under The Rug

A few weeks ago my ten year old son was asked to brainstorm ideas for a personal memoir at school. In doing so, all of his ideas came back to times he spent with his big brother. He decided to write about when we went to his big brother’s military graduation and he became overwhelmed with emotion. He misses his big brother. He has so many sweet memories with him and that is a beautiful thing. But sometimes there is pain in the mist of something beautiful and there is weeping over the loss of it. So how do we respond? My concern is, often we respond by avoiding it. His teacher, though I know she meant well, took him into the hallway and suggested that maybe he write about something else…something less painful.

Have you ever been responded to in that way? I know I have many times in my life. I needed to talk to someone about something utterly painful or I was dealing with a loss in my life and it was extremely raw. Every time it was brought up I began to weep; sometimes even wail or get angry. And what is worse than being vulnerable and crying in front of someone is when they lift up the rug. Instead of being available to you, a shoulder to cry on, a leg to stand on, or an ear to listen (really listen), they lift up the rug and sweep you under it.

I mean do we really think that by not talking about pain it will somehow just miraculously go away? Do we think that if we throw someone under the rug that it will somehow turn into a magic carpet that sweeps them away to the land of make believe where everyone is smiling and happily singing, “It’s A Small World”?

I wonder what we as the church would be like if we really meant it when we said, “Come as you are.” If we really meant it when we said, “You need to be ‘in community’ with one another.”  If, when we invite someone to come out of hiding, we actually listen to them and point them to Jesus instead of judging them, trying to fix them, or trying to get them to see how we see. If we would offer to pray with them instead of putting flowery words over their pain saying, “It’s all going to work out,” while quickly moving onto another less upsetting topic.

My favorite has to be when people try to guess why God is doing something in my life. People have caused me more pain from trying to do that because they often indirectly accuse me, as if my sin is the reason why I am going through a difficult time. Sometimes that could be. But sometimes innocent people are hurt because someone else isn’t following God’s plan. Is that really that hard for us to understand? Have we not all felt the weight of our own sin as well as the weight of someone else’s sin on us?

What has happened to you when you have come out of hiding before or shared from your heart? I know I have been attacked for feeling a certain way and expressing it. What has happened to you when you have cried and expressed deep pain about something? Have you ever experienced just good old-fashioned avoidance? “Let’s not talk about it. Let’s pretend it didn’t even happen. Let’s pretend you are not struggling in that area because it is just too messy. Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

We need to lay down the rug and perhaps nail it to the floor. There is no light under there. We need each other to lift our eyes and allow God to expose what He needs to expose. That is where healing can begin; when we come out of hiding and stop pretending. His holiness can be trusted to reveal all that is needed. Let us be the church that invites others to seek His face with us. Let’s be the church that isn’t shocked when people sin or are sinned against and love one another as Christ has loved us. Pain can be beautiful. Let us be willing to die to ourselves and allow the rug to get messy so others can have life.