The Cry of WHY?

As a child I grew up learning that asking, “Why?” was a bad idea. I often asked it one too many times when my parents got mad at me and sent me to my room and it usually earned me a spanking. I generally just didn’t understand what I did wrong, but I learned that during parental wrath it was rarely a good idea to ask why.

As an adult I have learned that asking why questions most often leads to disappointment. Think about it. Every time you ask why someone is a certain way or does a certain thing you are left feeling more frustrated than you were before because you still don’t get it. Usually we really don’t want to know the answer to many of the why questions we ask, especially when it pertains to the world and its people. We generally want the answer to simply justify that our way is the right way of doing things and everyone else is, well, let’s just say…dumb.

I guess we are trained from an early age not to ask too many questions. We learn that it either leads to disappointment in how we look at people or we remember what it was like to ask our parents why when we were in trouble.

Could that be why we want to put a bow around our worship when we come to God? Is that why we try to pretend everything is “just fine?” Do we think we cannot question and ask God, “Why?” Why cancer? Why job loss? Why war? Why did I get stuck working with the crazy co-worker, again? Why was I from an abusive family? Why did you let those bad things happen to me as a child? Why hunger? Why rape? Why poverty? Why death?

There are times that I have not felt like jumping for joy. I could not put my blinders on and pretend that I wasn’t hurting in real ways. I could not proclaim that God is good. I could not see a reason for the pain and suffering around me. Just like Job I began wrestling, doubting, and questioning. I tried to pretend everything was “fine” but it wasn’t. Nothing made sense and the more I pretended to have all of the answers the more I wrestled. The more I sought out the answers on my own the more questions I seemed to have.

Pretending never works with God much like it never worked for me as a child to pretend I understood why I was being sent to my room. After my 30 minute time out my parents would inevitably come into my room and ask me, “Do you know why you are in here?” And I would respond at that point with either a, “No. Remember, I tried to ask you why and you wouldn’t answer me?” (Explains the spanking, right?), or I would make up a reason. And oh man, if I guessed wrong then I would get another 30 minutes to sit and think about it. And the bad part about that was I knew I still was unlikely going to be able to figure it out by then either. So I would cry and throw a tantrum often kicking and screaming trying to beat down my bedroom door. I just could not understand what wrong I had done to deserve such punishment.

The good news is if we take a good look at God through His word we see the wrestling, the grieving, the weeping and the lament. It is all a part of our worship response to a God that is bigger than we can even imagine. When life feels in disarray, when our relationships fall apart, when we feel like we are in exile wandering in the wilderness, when we desperately need to know why, it is okay to lament. It is okay to grieve and it is okay to wonder and doubt. We worship a God that is big enough, strong enough and compassionate enough to deal with our real emotions. When we ask God why questions it doesn’t lead to disappointment or a surge in His wrath. Rather, He reveals Himself in greater ways.

We don’t have to pretend to know why. We can ask Him and He will lead us beside still waters and respond to us. Every single time I yell and scream and try to kick down my bedroom door, He answers me. Though sometimes the answers seem slow in coming like they did as a child locked inside my bedroom. Often I think He just wants me to have 30 minutes to think about it and 30 minutes later I still don’t want to believe that He is good. That He is what is best for me. He allows me the freedom to wrestle and throw tantrums until I am ready to turn. Until I see Him for who He is; a God who grieves, a God who weeps and a God who desperately loves His people even through the whys.

Do you feel you can ask God why? Do you need to untie a bow around your worship to him and bring Him everything? Even your doubt?

The Narcissistic Worshiper

I love how personal God is. I love how He came down and rescued me. I am grateful that He has changed my life, broken chains, and taken my shame and placed it on Himself. Those are incredible lengths to go for a sinner like me.  I don’t know about you, but the people I encounter on a daily basis don’t tend to do that. Every single day I come into contact with people who have selfish motives (including myself). I have repeatedly used and taken advantage of people for what they do for me, and of course it has been done to me in return. People “love” me when I do things for them. They rave about all the great things I do and that seems nice, I guess. But a couple of years ago that all changed for me.

My family and I were going through a transition. During that time people kept coming to us, over and over, telling us what a “great” family we are. That should seem nice, right? But what came next just killed me a little more each time it was said. People kept saying we were “great” and then listing off what we do for them via our talents and works. I knew in my heart that the only reason I had any of those things was because of who God is. I am breathing because of Him. I have a “great” family because of Him. I have talents and good works ONLY because of Him, which on my best days are still not that “good.”

Our family was incredibly sad through our transition because all these people seemed to point to was what we did. There were no statements made to us that pointed to who we were, and we were the same people before we did anything for anyone there. Our goal was never to have others thinking we were a cool, trendy and hip musical family. Our mission was to simply be living sacrifices. To love and serve others as God loved and served us. We didn't want to be known for anything we did or any talent that we had. We didn't want accolades, we just wanted to be loved and cared for as people through our transition. We discovered some of these people didn't know who we were at all. If they did they would have known that only one of our family members is really the cool, hip, musical one. (Just kidding.) But seriously, we felt awful. And I kept thinking, “Don’t they know that we only do what we do because of who we are?”

Through all of this I had to stop and face the facts that the way I related to God was often just like this. I worshiped Him for what He did for me, often failing to consider who He is. I realized God had done amazing things in my life because of who He is, and not the other way around. I was a narcissistic worshiper. It was all about me. What He had done for me. How He died for me. How He rescued me. How He set me free. And I kept thinking God must be asking the same thing of me, “Doesn't she know that we only do what we do because of who we are?”

My view was so backwards. I had been worshiping Him thinking that what He did for me declares who He is. So it is no surprise that when I couldn't see Him doing amazing things in my life my offering of worship was different and my thoughts of who He is changed. But God didn't. He is the same. He is Holy. He is Mighty, Powerful, Victorious, and Good. He is King, Rescuer, Messiah, Lord, Redeemer, Deliverer, and the Creator of the universe. And I was coming to Him saying you are “great” and then I had my list of things that would cause me to sing louder and lift my hands a little higher during worship. All things that He did for me. But He was great before He did anything for anyone.

I think that God loves it when we proclaim all the great things He has done for us and we should be utterly grateful. But, if we don’t have an understanding of who He is we tend to glory in our salvation instead of how marvelous He is. We fail to really see and recognize all He has done for us and that He alone is the treasure; not eternity free from sin, guilt, shame, suffering, and pain. Those things will all be great after living in this fallen world but wouldn't one day in His courts be worth anything. One moment in His presence is going to be better than anything we could ever ask or imagine.

I now stop and consider what I am saying when I sing to God about taking my sin and shame away. He didn't just take it away like a genie in a bottle. It didn't just vanish into thin air while He waved a magic wand. He took it on Himself. He carried my cross, bore my shame and was whipped with the chains that held me captive in my sin. That is a different picture than we tend to have when we get our praise on. The gospel is bigger than me. It is about a perfect triune God who longs to live and share His own perfect fellowship with all of humanity.

God was worthy to be worshiped before He did anything for anyone. All of the wealth that He has and the generosity He pours out are only because of who He is. I want my whole life to bow down in reverence to Him regardless of where my story is at. I want to see Him in all of humanity no matter where their story is at. I believe that is where true worship begins. When we die to worship with no agenda, position or stance, and simply chose to worship Him for who He is. And worship continues through loving and caring for creation right where they are simply because of who they are. They are His.

photo credit: thejourneybyally.com

“Worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness; tremble before him, all the earth! Say among the nations, “The LORD reigns! Yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved; he will judge the peoples with equity.” Psalm 96:9-10

Never Known

A few days ago I was talking with a friend who had recently been a customer in the store I work at. She happened to come in on my day off so she began telling me about her wonderful customer experience, and she mentioned who had helped her. I explained that the person who helped her was the store manager. My friend couldn't believe it. So I said, “Really?” to inquire about what made her say that. I smiled. I already knew. It was the first thing I noticed when I started working there. She explained how he was so helpful, took the time to help her pick out clothes for her grandchildren, and then even rang her up at the register. She said, “Most General Managers would have just had someone else do that for them. I would have never known.”

Wow. She would have never known. It hit me that that is the best compliment I could ever receive. Most of us work really hard to obtain a higher status. We place a ton of significance on our titles and we want everyone to know who we are and what we do when we get there. We get caught up in being defined by it and we forget that with an increase in position we actually gain more responsibility. Our titles don’t make us who we are, our behavior does. I mean just because you are called a leader doesn't mean you lead or that people are following you. You have to be willing to do anything for them, to support them and set the example of what you expect them to do. If you are not willing to live it out every single day, rolling up your sleeves and getting your hands dirty, how can you expect others to?

Isn't that what God did?  The King of the universe, Creator of all things, the very breath of Life. He left His perfect home and put skin on to walk among His people. He came and set the example in His day to day life, coaching and teaching along the way. He stopped to dine with sinners to which I am the worst. He displayed incredible humility being born in a stable rather than the palace He deserves. He washed the feet of His disciples expecting nothing in return. He got involved in the messy lives of prostitutes and tax collectors lifting their eyes and clearing their name. He gave them a new identity at the cost of His own, right in front of some big name people that most of us would try to impress. He performed incredible miracles to which many of them He told them to keep secret. How many of us would turn water into wine and not brag about our amazing gift to which others should bow?

Many of us want the status but we don’t want the cost. We want to be teachers, lawyers, doctors, pastors and managers until the phone rings and someone has a problem. But isn't it amazing that our great example did nothing out of vain conceit, but in humility considered others better. He looked not to His own interest but to the interest of others. Jesus, being in the very nature God, yet did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of servant, being made in human likeness. He humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross. 

Every day I go to work I have to ask myself, “Who am I willing to die for?”  However, in order to answer that I have to first be willing to die to myself so that I can serve the people around me. It is not easy. I have to be willing to leave the throne of which I made myself the queen and walk among His people. I have to remember that I am the worst sinner and that I was not made a saint by my own doing. Therefore, when people are messy I will offer to wash their feet and when I perform a “miracle” I will not expect accolades or rewards. The price I am called to pay is a gift to which I give freely. I will endure the cost despite any title to which I pray most will have never known. 

 

Never Known

A few days ago I was talking with a friend who had recently been a customer in the store I work at. She happened to come in on my day off so she began telling me about her wonderful customer experience, and she mentioned who had helped her. I explained that the person who helped her was the store manager. My friend couldn't believe it. So I said, “Really?” to inquire about what made her say that. I smiled. I already knew. It was the first thing I noticed when I started working there. She explained how he was so helpful, took the time to help her pick out clothes for her grandchildren, and then even rang her up at the register. She said, “Most General Managers would have just had someone else do that for them. I would have never known.”

Wow. She would have never known. It hit me that that is the best compliment I could ever receive. Most of us work really hard to obtain a higher status. We place a ton of significance on our titles and we want everyone to know who we are and what we do when we get there. We get caught up in being defined by it and we forget that with an increase in position we actually gain more responsibility. Our titles don’t make us who we are, our behavior does. I mean just because you are called a leader doesn't mean you lead or that people are following you. You have to be willing to do anything for them, to support them and set the example of what you expect them to do. If you are not willing to live it out every single day, rolling up your sleeves and getting your hands dirty, how can you expect others to?

Isn't that what God did?  The King of the universe, Creator of all things, the very breath of Life. He left His perfect home and put skin on to walk among His people. He came and set the example in His day to day life, coaching and teaching along the way. He stopped to dine with sinners to which I am the worst. He displayed incredible humility being born in a stable rather than the palace He deserves. He washed the feet of His disciples expecting nothing in return. He got involved in the messy lives of prostitutes and tax collectors lifting their eyes and clearing their name. He gave them a new identity at the cost of His own, right in front of some big name people that most of us would try to impress. He performed incredible miracles to which many of them He told them to keep secret. How many of us would turn water into wine and not brag about our amazing gift to which others should bow?

Many of us want the status but we don’t want the cost. We want to be teachers, lawyers, doctors, pastors and managers until the phone rings and someone has a problem. But isn't it amazing that our great example did nothing out of vain conceit, but in humility considered others better. He looked not to His own interest but to the interest of others. Jesus, being in the very nature God, yet did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of servant, being made in human likeness. He humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross. 

Every day I go to work I have to ask myself, “Who am I willing to die for?”  However, in order to answer that I have to first be willing to die to myself so that I can serve the people around me. It is not easy. I have to be willing to leave the throne of which I made myself the queen and walk among His people. I have to remember that I am the worst sinner and that I was not made a saint by my own doing. Therefore, when people are messy I will offer to wash their feet and when I perform a “miracle” I will not expect accolades or rewards. The price I am called to pay is a gift to which I give freely. I will endure the cost despite any title to which I pray most will have never known. 

Never Known

A few days ago I was talking with a friend who had recently been a customer in the store I work at. She happened to come in on my day off so she began telling me about her wonderful customer experience, and she mentioned who had helped her. I explained that the person who helped her was the store manager. My friend couldn't believe it. So I said, “Really,” inquiring on what made her say that. I smiled. I already knew. It was the first thing I noticed when I started working there. She explained how he was so helpful, took the time to help her pick out clothes for her grandchildren, and then even rang her up at the register. She said, “Most General Managers would have just had someone else do that for them. I would have never known.”

Wow. She would have never known. It hit me that that is the best compliment I could ever receive. Most of us work really hard to obtain a higher status. We place a ton of significance on our titles and we want everyone to know who we are and what we do when we get there. We get caught up in being defined by it and we forget that with an increase in position we actually gain more responsibility. Our titles don’t make us who we are, our behavior does. I mean just because you are called a leader doesn't mean you lead or that people are following you. You have to be willing to do anything for them, to support them and set the example of what you expect them to do. If you are not willing to live it out every single day, rolling up your sleeves and getting your hands dirty, how can you expect others to?

Isn't that what God did?  The King of the universe, Creator of all things, the very breath of Life. He left His perfect home and put skin on to walk among His people. He came and set the example in His day to day life, coaching and teaching along the way. He stopped to dine with sinners to which I am the worst. He displayed incredible humility being born in a stable rather than the palace He deserves. He washed the feet of His disciples expecting nothing in return. He got involved in the messy lives of prostitutes and tax collectors lifting their eyes and clearing their name. He gave them a new identity at the cost of His own, right in front of some big name people that most of us would try to impress. He performed incredible miracles to which many of them He told them to keep secret. How many of us would turn water into wine and not brag about our amazing gift to which others should bow?

Many of us want the status but we don’t want the cost. We want to be teachers, lawyers, doctors, pastors and managers until the phone rings and someone has a problem. But isn't it amazing that our great example did nothing out of vain conceit, but in humility considered others better. He looked not to His own interest but to the interest of others. Jesus, being in the very nature God, yet did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of servant, being made in human likeness. He humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross.

Every day I go to work I have to ask myself, “Who am I willing to die for?”  However, in order to answer that I have to first be willing to die to myself so that I can serve the people around me. It is not easy. I have to be willing to leave the throne of which I made myself the queen and walk among His people. I have to remember that I am the worst sinner and that I was not made a saint by my own doing. Therefore, when people are messy I will offer to wash their feet and when I perform a “miracle” I will not expect accolades or rewards. The price I am called to pay is a gift to which I give freely. I will endure the cost despite any title to which I pray most will have never known. 

American Idol: Season I (love my Church)

Idolatry has always been a hot topic especially when it comes to religion. It is certainly not new when it comes to the church. But I see a new season of American Idol taking over our nation: the idolatry of simply loving your church.

There are countries where freedom of religion does not exist and people risk their lives to gather with others to collectively worship and celebrate all that God is and all that He is doing. I have been to church services where this is so evident and it is an amazing and rare find. You enter into a place of being surrounded with redeemed and reconciled lives crying out to their Rescuer. Whether praising or lamenting they are joined together offering adoration to one; the only one worthy of any praise. It is intense and emotional.

I have also sadly been to church services where I have not experienced this. Sometimes I wonder if it is because they have never tasted and seen the God worthy of the kind of worship that shouts, “Take my life. I want nothing of my old self and only what You have for me.” 

Like the woman who wiped her hair on Jesus’ feet or the men who dug through a rooftop just to be with Him. They were not there to draw a crowd. They were not there to make everyone who came feel comfortable and they were not there to convince others to say the sinner’s prayer. They were there to meet Jesus in their desperation and despair; to receive life and hope. They had nothing to offer and they risked everything just to be with Him. They laid it all down and went against every social norm because they believed He was worth EVERYTHING. How are we doing as a church?

Are we laying it all down because we believe He is worth EVERYTHING? Or do we need numbers on Sunday morning to feel like a success, a building of our own to feel like we can effectively minister to the masses, or a dynamite children’s “program” to draw people to our church? Do we exist to make our church known? If we do then I would say we aren't doing too badly when we hand out t-shirts to proudly proclaim our church name and slogan to those that serve inside the church. And just maybe these great servants will proudly wear them out in public to the malls and restaurants around town after church and they turn into wonderful conversation pieces. About what though? 

Will it be a conversation about a loving Father who died for all of humanity whether Jew, gentile, gay, straight, black, white, rich, poor, popular or outcast? How He rose again to give life to all of us who are dead? Will it be a conversation about how the One and only Savior of the world came to bring light to our darkest places when we had no hope? Or will it be a conversation about how great your church is? About how your church saved your life? That the speaker really challenges you on Sunday’s or that the music is just like going to a concert.

The speaker may challenge you on Sunday because he is speaking truth from the Bible. However, the Bible was written by God not your pastor, and his amazing gift of teaching, well, that is from the Father as well. When a person claims their church saved their life or their marriage I am left to wonder if they encountered the same Jesus who invaded my heart. 

Sure friends of mine that gathered at buildings called churches spoke truth to me. They even brought me to those buildings a couple times a week. And I am thankful for them. But the church never saved me. A how-to guide and a cool youth program didn't change my life. The Holy Spirit through His people gave me a glimpse of who He was and I wanted more. More of Him. More of His truth to replace the lies, more of His light to invade my darkness, more of His rain to pour heavy on my impurities, and more of His faithfulness to flood my doubt.

There are a lot of churches that speak truth. You only have to open the Bible on Sunday morning to do that. But what is seemingly more difficult is for the church to lay down its own idolatry. I fear it has fallen in love with itself as the savior and rescuer. It is beginning to think it is the way the truth and the life and is allowing people to worship it rather than being a collective gathering of people declaring who they are because of who God is.

So, I will not worship a church brand. I am in love with my local church body because I am reconciled to them through Christ. I will serve my local church because I believe in pouring out all that He pours in. And I will be grateful to my God for providing the pastors, programs and people that are willing to participate in all the He is doing. When we as a church decide to lay it all down and live as if there is nothing better out there than more of Him, our lives will declare what no t-shirt could ever say and no church building could ever hold. 

Are People Just a Bunch of Users?

Are people just a bunch of users? Do people only care about us when it benefits them in some way? It sure feels that way at times, doesn't it? You are going along in what you think is a great relationship when all of a sudden you realize they only appreciate what you do. They are only hanging out with you for what they might possibly gain. They haven’t given a single thought to who you are, they just know they want more of what you do for them.

That is how I thought when I was a kid growing up. My parents, teachers and friends were all there to meet my needs. I liked my parents when they did things for me and I even felt entitled to receive nearly all of what I was given. I also became very mad when I didn’t get the things I wanted. When things didn’t go my way I know there were times I looked straight into my parents’ faces and told them I hated them. It my desperate attempt to get what I wanted I played the worst card we all have towards one another. Hate. Or is it?

A few years ago, there I was at work, and I heard a phrase I will never forget. I was asked to “capitalize on my personal equity.” I was lost at first. I blindly asked, “What does that mean?” When the answer came I was sick. I wished I could take it back. Call me naive, but I didn't want to know that people actually deliberately used others to get to where they want to go. That people actually sit around and think about who they have as assets, especially in the church.  They think about who they know can do the job they want done and they go after that person to gain something personally. And maybe, maybe that is okay for the business world if we look for who can do the best job and we hire them and pay them well. But, I still dare ask the question, “What would it look like if we flipped it upside down?”

What if we existed to help others succeed? What if we capitalized on our personal integrity and asked how we can benefit someone else by serving them, giving them a job, lifting their burdens or by stepping aside so they can have their moment to shine. What if we provided someone with a chance even when they didn't deserve it or had not earned it yet? What if we acted on something or gave something away without expecting anything in return?

That is one of my favorite things about Jesus. While I was powerless and of no use to Him whatsoever He fought for me. He came after me. He gave His life for me. I looked right at His loving face and told Him I hated Him. In my desperate attempts to have the life I always wanted I played all the worst cards. I mocked Him. I accused Him. I cheated Him and I used Him. Yet He freely gave me His righteousness that I could not afford. No business person in their right mind would knowingly make a deal like that. The cost or liability was greater than the asset, but He was willing to leave it all for my sake.

That, my friend, is real negative equity. And that is what I want to be asked.

Do not ask me to capitalize on my personal equity as my flesh may beg of me. But ask me to give my life away for someone who cannot pay it back. Ask me to serve the ungodly. Ask me to demonstrate God's love to sinners like me by dying to myself to serve them. Ask me to wash their dirty feet. Ask me to forgive those that mock me, accuse me, cheat me and use me.

That is what is asked of us when we follow Jesus. We get to lay down all of our cards knowing that we have nothing better to gain. We get to flip the world’s ways upside and demonstrate what real love looks like. It may start with what looks like the worst business decision in the world, be painful and full of sacrifice, but it is worth every bit of equity.