The Price of Forgiveness

The other day I was brought back to a place that I should have known as shelter and instead I knew as pain. I entered full of a joy, not of my own, but soon felt it fade as I began to look around me. I started to think of the heartache that I felt the last time I had been there. I thought I had forgiven, but now I was face to face with the very instrument that had caused me to hurt deep into my soul. I wanted desperately to forgive and to harbor no bitterness or rage in my heart, but there I was standing at its feet. I was torn as to which way to look. Do I look to keep rehashing the pain or do I choose to be done? As I looked on I pictured the cross and thought, “Oh man, forgiveness sucks!”

I started to think about the cost. About the length that the Creator of the universe went to forgive me. I almost laughed in spite of myself as I thought about how I have wanted to hate people in the past because they have brought me pain. I started to realize how quick I am to become angry or “hate” someone over even just one false statement or accusation. And let’s just assume for a minute I am perfect. Let’s just assume I have never done any of these wrong things myself to anyone. Let’s just assume the only thing I have ever done is love with a pure, unconditional, steadfast love. Would I give my life for the people who hurt me? Would I leave my perfect home where I am praised every minute of every day to go and be mocked and tortured and beaten and die for all the people who have wronged me? There are days I wonder if I would even do that for my best friends and family members; the ones who treat me with love and respect. Oh yeah, forgiveness sucks!

At least it does when I look at what has been done to me. But isn’t it crazy when I look at what has been done for me? I have been forgiven. The One and Only, Holy God, and Creator of the universe, freely chose to leave His perfect home and give His life for me. To rescue me. To redeem me. To forgive me. He chose me. And let’s just be honest I am not perfect. I have done to Him and others the very same wrongs that have been done to me. I have not loved Him or others with a pure, unconditional, steadfast love. I didn’t receive forgiveness because I deserve it. So why should I choose to forgive only if someone deserves it? I choose to forgive because He forgave me. Forgiveness requires me to die to serve. I chose to die to myself to serve the One and Only God who gave His life for me. To save me. To free me. To forgive me.

He chose to forgive me so I could have life. A life free to love and to live in relationship with Him and others.The price of forgiveness has already been paid.

Not just for me.

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15

What if...

When did it get so difficult to form relationships?

The other day my eight year old and I were at the pool. I noticed he began swimming with another boy and wondered if they knew each other. When my son got out of the pool I asked him, “Do you know him?” And my son responded, “Yeah, that’s Ben. We ride the bus together. First, I sat next to a kid named Brandon and then Ben came. He sat with us and that is how it all began.” 

Hmm… That’s it, I thought. They just sat on the bus together and became friends. At what age does that stop? If I sat on a bus today would I even speak to the person sitting next to me? Would I even choose to sit next to anyone? What would I say if I did?

I got closer to the boys as they sat at the edge of the pool and listened. Maybe I could learn from what they say. They were talking about video games! That’s when it started to become clear.

At some point relationships had become more difficult because life had become more complicated than video games. I am no longer eight. I now make assumptions about people. I have expectations. I have fears. I might even feel the need to pretend, to be what the person on the bus wants me to be.

Maybe we don’t talk to people on buses because we are afraid. We are afraid to put ourselves out there. We are afraid of not measuring up. We are afraid we wouldn’t have anything to talk about. That we would end up sitting in awkward silence after a meaningless conversation about the weather. And why the weather? Because it is safe. Safe like video games. 

I mean what if I ask, “How are you doing?” and the person doesn’t reply with “Fine.” What if I am trapped on the bus unable to move away and the person tells me he just lost his job or that her daughter has cancer or he admits he has considered ending his life? What if their life is a mess? What if they see the dark places in my heart that I try to hide? I only got on the bus to get from point A to point B. I didn’t ask to take a detour through brokenness and pain. Through the messiness of someone’s life, let alone, having to be transparent about my own.

Maybe we should stick with talking about the weather on the bus. Maybe we should stick with only answering the preset questions in our small groups. Maybe we should call people only when they can do something for us. Maybe we should avoid making eye contact with people when we are in a hurry. Maybe we should stay away from people when we hurt them.

They are messy.

But what would life be like if we dared to ask the question, “How are you doing? No, how are you really doing?” And what if we took the time to listen. No, really listen. To hear what is on their heart and get messy on their messiness.  To really get to know them and where they are at in life. To get to know where they come from. What if we stopped making assumptions and judgments about their life? What if we really cared about them and didn’t expect anything in return? Just a genuine willingness to swim in the often murky water of the story God has given. The story where God is the main character and He gives us every encounter and every relationship. Relationships that begin by sitting on a bus next to someone, asking questions and swimming through the answers. Whatever they may be.

A Beautiful Relationship

“Peacemaker, Fear Taker, Soul Soother, Storm Smoother, Light Shiner, Lost Finder, Cloud Lifter, Deliverer, Heart Toucher, Truth Lover, Mind Clearer, Sigh Hearer, Hand Holder, Consoler, Wound Binder, Tear Drier, Strength Giver, Provider...” (Peacemaker by Greg Ferguson)

This is a relationship. A beautiful relationship. A beautiful relationship between a Creator and His creation. When we know God this intimately it should compel us to know Him deeper and pour that out onto others. These are not things I desire on my own. On my best days I would still rather be provided for than to provide. I would still rather be consoled than to console or be protected over protecting someone else. But when I really understand and rest in the intimacy of my loving God I know that I am protected, consoled, and provided for and nothing can protect me, comfort me or provide for me better than the very One who created me.

This frees me and allows me to give myself away in the same way.  I become a reflection of who He is. When others look at me do they see a mirror that reflects the beauty of their Creator? Do I say things to people that build them up? Do I hold their hand and gently walk them towards His truth? Do I go to people when they are hurting so that they can be led to the One who heals better than anyone? Do I rescue them from hiding and dry their tears on His pillow of comfort?  Do I give strength to those who are struggling to stand so that through my physical body others can feel an invisible God? Do I hear the sighs of the broken? Am I willing to ask my creator to reveal how every person I am in contact with needs to see Him, feel Him or touch Him today and then shine His light on them? Or maybe I am more concerned with protecting myself. Licking my own wounds. Smoothing the storms of my own life.

A relationship doesn’t look the way we often think. We often think a relationship is give a little, get a little. If we give a lot we can and do expect a lot in return. But that is not God’s design. He gives to us things we could never repay. He gives to us things we don’t deserve. He gives to us expecting nothing in return. Am I a friend like that or do I pursue people on the account of what they can do for me? Do I genuinely love God’s people because I am so intimately related to Him that what grieves Him grieves me? Or am I loving and nice in order to manipulate the people around me to do things? I mean even if they are things like trying to persuade people to follow Jesus, attend church, grow church, or serve in the church it is still conditional, strings attached, love.

I am so thankful that God is not that kind of Friend, Father, or Rescuer to me. I am thankful that He chose me while I was no use to Him whatsoever. As I trust in who He is and allow His Spirit to fill me, I no longer need creation to fill me and I can freely pour into creation what God pours into me. Unconditional Love.

This is a relationship. A beautiful relationship.