Righteousness

I am fed. I am full. I am stuffed full and fed. I am right. I can see no wrong. I am strong. I am winning. I fight to justify myself. Every view point I hold is the best. And not just for me. I get others to agree with me and convince them to see things my way. My ego is increased. There is more of me. My voice is loud. My arrogance prevents me from listening and when I try I cannot hear. I am a leech. I suck life out of all who hear me shouting from high on my hill. I care for no one who stands in my way. My name be known. My name be greater. I am better. I know what is best. Not just for me. I am self-righteousness.

I am hungry. I am empty. I am desperate, hungry and empty. I am wrong. I can see it. I feel weak. I am losing. I am tired of fighting to justify myself. Every view point I held was skewed just for me. I need something to fill me. My ego is decreasing. There is less of me. My voice is quieted. I am humbled and listen and when I listen I can hear. I am naked. I am a sinner and I have been rescued from high on a hill. He cared for me, a no one, and stood in my place. His name be known. His name be greater. He is better. He knows what is best. Not just for me. He is righteousness.

I am fed. I am full. I am satisfied, full and fed. I am made right. I have repented my wrong. In my weakness He is strong. He has won. I am justified. His view point is perfect. And not just for me. It is finished. I find no reason to convince others to see things my way. I would rather they see His way. My ego is broken and laid at His feet. My voice is a song of praise to Him. His holiness allows me to see my sin and hear the temptations and the lies. I am covered. My sin put to death high on that hill. I care for others because I am not better. My name was unknown. I was not greater. His way is better. I am forgiven. I am made new. I am justified. Not just for me. He is my righteousness.

He is Jesus. He is not just for me.

The Christmas My Eyes Were Opened

Growing up I would have said that my most memorable Christmas and holiday traditions were full of Christmas music, presents, being forced to sit on Santa’s lap, awkward family photos, and of course the ever popular "cram into the family car and try to find the house that had created the most obnoxious light display." This gradually changed as I got older and learned about the birth of Jesus. I would try to get my Christmas shopping done early so that I could focus on its true meaning, and yet come Christmas morning, it still felt like materialism had seized the day and that all Jesus is and had done was still somehow overlooked.

 

Four years ago, that all changed for my family.We found ourselves in the middle of high end Suburbia, surrounded by the American Dream, unemployed and about to lose everything. Would the unemployment check come in time? Would we be living a true Suburban life in the back of our Chevy Suburban? Living in one of the most expensive places on earth, where most people around us had everything the moment they needed it, and us with four kids unsure of how we would pay our bills, God did something amazing. He didn’t give us a money tree in our backyard. He didn’t give Jeremy a job right away. He didn’t send an angel in the middle of the night to put presents under our tree or rain manna from heaven to feed our growing kids. But He did provide all we needed, and He gave us something that was worth more than all those things combined. He allowed us to slow down and truly see people. To receive more of Him and participate in what He was already doing in a way we would not have been able to if we were caught up in the materialism and chaos that Christmas so often becomes.

 

In the middle of feeling we had nothing to give, God opened our eyes. When my sister’s Denali had to go to the shop we were able to let her borrow our old Dodge Caravan since we only needed one car. We were able to go to a cold weather shelter and feed, serve and relate to people there in a new way. He awakened us to how we regularly chose busyness over people, entitlement over humility, selfishness over generosity, Bible studies over Biblical living, significance over sacrifice, the American Dream over contentment. When face to face with the reality that we could lose all that we had, we found true contentment. We realized that no one could take away the one thing that mattered more than anything. Jesus came to Earth, suffering in a greater way than we will ever have to endure, all because He loves us. All that the world has to offer can be lost in the blink of an eye, but the love our Savior poured out for us on the cross is endless.

 

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. When you are out shopping this Christmas remember we are celebrating Emmanuel. We have the opportunity every day He gives us breath to love the world around us and show them Emmanuel. God is with us. No material thing is worth being too busy for people. No gift is better than the gift of Love that was given to us. Slow down, let Him show you the needs all around you and enjoy giving. You won't believe all you will receive.

 

More of Him.

 

 

Sit Next To Me

The other day my daughter came home from school. As with most days she was full of stories about how other people impacted her and how difficult it is to live life in a world full of hormones and bad decisions. Often these poor decisions affect more than the people who make them, and so often they result in more bad decisions turning into lives broken by the weight of it all.

 

Compassion overwhelms her at times. I can hear it in her voice. I can see it in her face. A heart full of understanding that it could all be different if people would just stop being mean. Today she told a story that could change the course. It should sound familiar to those who have been redeemed and set free. It is what should be considered normal by the people who follow a compassionate God.  It should be the way of a people, the ones who understand that Grace is not earned but is a gift and is meant to be passed on.

 

She had walked into class like any other day but today she could pick her own seat. She sat down and noticed a girl sitting on the floor by herself, her face buried in a book, waiting for the other kids to file in. My daughter asked the girl what she was doing and invited her to sit down next to her. The girl got up and came to take the seat next to my daughter. The girl told her thank you and explained that she was sitting and waiting for everyone else to come in and sit down first because no one likes her to sit next to them. My daughter called her by name and told her, “You can sit wherever you want to and you can sit next to me.” Another girl walked in, and witnessing this, called my daughter a hero. She said the same thing happens to her, too. My daughter invited her to sit down next to them as well, and she let them both know they were free to sit wherever they wanted to.

 

My daughter is not a hero she is a follower. Can you see it? In this moment she followed the one perfect hero who called her by name and told her, “You are loved and you can sit next to me. I saved you a place. Get up off the floor. You are free.”

 

I know once upon a time I was one of the kids that would have been mean to those girls. I don’t deserve that seat. I quite honestly belong on the floor. But I too was shown grace and invited in. We can change the course. We have everything we need. If we just die to ourselves and serve the One who has called us by name.

 

 

Skinny Jeans

Skinny jeans don’t make the man. Already you are probably thinking, “Finally someone willing to say what I have been thinking for years.”

Not so fast…

What if I said, “Boot cut jeans don’t make the man” or “Khakis don’t make the man”?   Do you still feel the same way?

I think we have a problem...

 

For some reason we label people by what they wear. Right now it seems to be men who wear skinny jeans. Apparently they are being accused of either trying to be “cool” or “hipster” or they are accused of not being “real” men at all. And did you know that these skinny jean wearing hipsters are even being accused of growing our churches? They are being accused of just trying to look cool to attract people to attend church. Yeah. And apparently if you hire a lot of them at your church even more people show up and they start wearing skinny jeans too. It is the craziest thing!

 But what if I told you that under the skinny jeans stands a young man more comfortable in his own skin than the Pope in his robe? What if I told you that under the skinny jeans stands a young man who loves God and loves people and lives to glorify his creator? What if I told you this young man fed the homeless and elderly and cared for the misfits? What if I told you that this young man missed every recess for months to sit with a friend who couldn’t play so that the kid wouldn’t be alone? What if I told you that every day for three years this young man was called a “faggot” just for wearing skinny jeans and that still didn’t make him change because He believes and follows the One who is unchanging?

Skinny jeans don’t make the man and neither do khakis. God looks at the hearts behind all kinds of pants. The love of a Father lived through His sons and daughters who wear skinny jeans, khakis, capris, dresses, ties, hats, shorts, tattoos, piercings, beanies, robes and fanny packs grow His church. Sure, some churches try to attract people to come to church. And so often it is because they genuinely and desperately want to share the Good News and let the world know of God’s amazing love. Other churches bash the ones who are trying to attract people by judging their motives just like the young man was judged for wearing skinny jeans.

The church needs to remember it is the bride of Christ. We are not called to compete, judge, or attract to fill seats. We are to invite people to a dwelling place; a safe place from a world full of labels and ranks. We are to be His glory on display, redeemed by the blood of Christ and resurrected from death to life.  We are a people who have the living God dwelling inside of us. So let us rise up and move, and love, and pursue, and shelter, and reconcile. Go and make disciples however the Holy Spirit calls you to, in whatever clothes you are made to wear. You have been given everything you need in Christ!

 

 

I am not a greeter at Wal-Mart

I once had a manager ask, “Do you feel greeted or do you feel welcomed when you walk into Wal-Mart?” I thought it was a great question. It was a question he had asked to encourage the employees to think about welcoming customers into our retail store, but it made me think. What is the difference between being greeted and being welcomed?

I thought about it and realized being greeted is more in the moment. It is a polite gesture that says, “Good morning” or “We’re glad you’re here,” but it doesn’t go beyond that. Being welcomed, however, is much more. It invites people in. It accepts them. People get a sense that they will be genuinely loved and cared for. When I welcome people I ask open ended questions that should ultimately lead to open ended relationships. I want to get to know them. I want to learn more about who they are. I ask things like, “What brings you in today?” I find out what they are in search of. If I want to know how I can best serve someone I have to ask these kinds of questions. I must be willing to take the time to hear their story. I also need to follow up with people. This isn’t a, “How are you today?” “Fine thank you.” exchange. This is so much more.

I guess that is why I have never been a fan of “greeters” at church. I know that seems so outrageous and you are probably wondering without a welcoming committee how in the world would people feel welcomed and new people know where to go? How would people get information on where to check their children in or where the bathrooms are located? Who would hold the door open for people as they came in and smile politely saying words like “hello” and “welcome”? Do you have any idea who might be able to do all of those things? I am going to suggest something crazy for a moment. I am going to suggest the answer is God’s people.

That’s right! I said it. I mean what would our churches be like if we move from greeters to welcomers? What would our families be like? What would our neighborhoods be like? What would our cities be like? What would our world be like? If we really understood how deep and how wide God’s love is for each one of His people, wouldn’t we live differently? Think about it for a moment. If Christ is in us and we are His glory on display through the work of the Holy Spirit in and through us then I ask, “Is our love deep and wide enough for each person who should walk into a building?” What about the people who live with us? Our children, our spouses, our roommates, our parents. What about the people that live next door or drive the same route to work as we do? Shouldn’t we move towards all people, both the lost and the found, and ask how we can serve them? Or maybe we should leave that up to a handful of people who have the gift of greeting and wear a lanyard. Or worse yet, leave it up to a handful of people who don’t have the gift of greeting and wear a lanyard.

Is it just me or should we not be the ones looking to open the doors of the church for one another? Should we not be the ones looking for how we can serve one another? Should we not be the ones looking to help parents and their children? Not just in checking into classes in a building but helping them find their way through the often overwhelming responsibility of parenting? Do we now need classes for such a thing? Should it not start with dying to ourselves and laying down our lives for the sake of another as Christ did for us?

If we slow down and open our eyes to the people around us could we be transformed from greeters to welcomers? Maybe we could ask open ended questions and respond with love and service. Maybe we could follow up with the people we are in contact with and make sure they have everything they need. I believe we can all become welcomers if we ask God to fill us with His love and His desires for His people. He chose each and every one of us and invites us all to participate it the great work of His Kingdom. All we have to do is say “yes” and we get the great privilege of welcoming for His glory.

No, God did not call me to be a greeter at Walmart. I have been welcomed and now being a greeter will not satisfy.

“Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” Romans 15:7

Letting GO

It has been eighteen years since my oldest was born. I loved Him before I even knew he was being formed inside of me. He was a part of me and I would do anything to protect him. He was my son and I would do anything to provide for him.  And I think I caught a glimpse of what God must have felt when He created man.

While I carried him inside of me I would walk by an old delivery truck on my way to college every morning. The exhaust was so terrible I remember holding my breath to keep it from hurting him and his immature lungs. After he was born I walked by that same truck as I pushed him tucked securely in his stroller. And I held my breath. In that moment I knew that I could no longer protect him in the same way I had for nine months. He was in the world now and the things of this world would try to come against my provisions for him. I would do my best to keep him safe, comforted, and protected. I would do my best to love him unconditionally, teach him truth, and provide him with the things he needed. But I knew one day he would make his own choices. I couldn’t protect him forever. I couldn’t choose for him forever. I had to let go and choose to trust in God’s provisions for him.

Through the teenage years this was tough. As a parent you really want to protect your child from making any mistakes. You want to protect your child from getting hurt or experiencing any pain at all. And I think I caught a glimpse of what God felt when Eve chose to eat the fruit.

You can give your children everything that is good, right and true and they still will choose to believe the lies of the enemy. They will still need to find out for themselves if what they were told is truly good, right and true. We don’t want that for them because we know that if they chase anything but their creator they will be right where Eve was and right where you and I have been. But that is the amazing thing about grace and about who God is. Even after Eve ate the fruit God did not stop the conversation with her. When we look to other things to fulfill us He still chases us. He still chooses to come after us with His unrelenting, steadfast love.

So chase your teen. By that I mean, love them and teach them about the garden and how you too were there. Don’t give up trying to have conversations. Tell them the reason you want to hold tightly is that you are afraid to let go because you know that they will want to chase after things. And chasing anything but bringing glory to God is a dead end. Teach them that there are consequences to disobedience. But most importantly show them the cross and how much they are loved. Model for them that they don’t have to hide like Eve did. They don’t have to pretend. They can come to you just as they are and you will have ring and robe in hand. And then let them choose. Because that is what a loving parent would do.


“While the son was still a long way off, his father saw him. He was filled with tender love for his son. He ran to him. He threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer fit to be called your son.’

 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattest calf and kill it. Let’s have a big dinner and celebrate. This son of mine was dead. And now he is alive again. He was lost. And now he is found.’ “So they began to celebrate.” Luke 15:20-24

eight-TEEN

It has been eighteen years since my oldest was born. I loved Him before I even knew he was being formed inside of me. He was a part of me and I would do anything to protect him. He was my son and I would do anything to provide for him.  And I think I caught a glimpse of what God must have felt when He created man.

 

While I carried him inside of me I would walk by an old delivery truck on my way to college every morning. The exhaust was so terrible I remember holding my breath to keep it from hurting him and his immature lungs. After he was born I walked by that same truck as I pushed him tucked securely in his stroller. And I held my breath. In that moment I knew that I could no longer protect him in the same way I had for nine months. He was in the world now and the things of this world would try to come against my provisions for him. I would do my best to keep him safe, comforted, and protected. I would do my best to love him unconditionally, teach him truth, and provide him with the things he needed. But I knew one day he would make his own choices. I couldn’t protect him forever. I couldn’t choose for him forever. I had to let go and choose to trust in God’s provisions for him.

 

Through the teenage years this was tough. As a parent you really want to protect your child from making any mistakes. You want to protect your child from getting hurt or experiencing any pain at all. And I think I caught a glimpse of what God felt when Eve chose to eat the fruit.

 

You can give your children everything that is good, right and true and they still will choose to believe the lies of the enemy. They will still need to find out for themselves if what they were told is truly good, right and true. We don’t want that for them because we know that if they chase anything but their creator they will be right where Eve was and right where you and I have been. But that is the amazing thing about grace and about who God is. Even after Eve ate the fruit God did not stop the conversation with her. When we look to other things to fulfill us He still chases us. He still chooses to come after us with His unrelenting, steadfast love.

 

So chase your teen. By that I mean, love them and teach them about the garden and how you too were there. Don’t give up trying to have conversations. Tell them the reason you want to hold tightly is that you are afraid to let go because you know that they will want to chase after things. And chasing anything but bringing glory to God is a dead end. Teach them that there are consequences to disobedience. But most importantly show them the cross and how much they are loved. Model for them that they don’t have to hide like Eve did. They don’t have to pretend. They can come to you just as they are and you will have ring and robe in hand. And then let them choose. Because that is what a loving parent would do.

 

“While the son was still a long way off, his father saw him. He was filled with tender love for his son. He ran to him. He threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer fit to be called your son.’

 

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattest calf and kill it. Let’s have a big dinner and celebrate. This son of mine was dead. And now he is alive again. He was lost. And now he is found.’ “So they began to celebrate.” Luke 15:20-24

The Price of Forgiveness

The other day I was brought back to a place that I should have known as shelter and instead I knew as pain. I entered full of a joy, not of my own, but soon felt it fade as I began to look around me. I started to think of the heartache that I felt the last time I had been there. I thought I had forgiven, but now I was face to face with the very instrument that had caused me to hurt deep into my soul. I wanted desperately to forgive and to harbor no bitterness or rage in my heart, but there I was standing at its feet. I was torn as to which way to look. Do I look to keep rehashing the pain or do I choose to be done? As I looked on I pictured the cross and thought, “Oh man, forgiveness sucks!”

I started to think about the cost. About the length that the Creator of the universe went to forgive me. I almost laughed in spite of myself as I thought about how I have wanted to hate people in the past because they have brought me pain. I started to realize how quick I am to become angry or “hate” someone over even just one false statement or accusation. And let’s just assume for a minute I am perfect. Let’s just assume I have never done any of these wrong things myself to anyone. Let’s just assume the only thing I have ever done is love with a pure, unconditional, steadfast love. Would I give my life for the people who hurt me? Would I leave my perfect home where I am praised every minute of every day to go and be mocked and tortured and beaten and die for all the people who have wronged me? There are days I wonder if I would even do that for my best friends and family members; the ones who treat me with love and respect. Oh yeah, forgiveness sucks!

At least it does when I look at what has been done to me. But isn’t it crazy when I look at what has been done for me? I have been forgiven. The One and Only, Holy God, and Creator of the universe, freely chose to leave His perfect home and give His life for me. To rescue me. To redeem me. To forgive me. He chose me. And let’s just be honest I am not perfect. I have done to Him and others the very same wrongs that have been done to me. I have not loved Him or others with a pure, unconditional, steadfast love. I didn’t receive forgiveness because I deserve it. So why should I choose to forgive only if someone deserves it? I choose to forgive because He forgave me. Forgiveness requires me to die to serve. I chose to die to myself to serve the One and Only God who gave His life for me. To save me. To free me. To forgive me.

He chose to forgive me so I could have life. A life free to love and to live in relationship with Him and others.The price of forgiveness has already been paid.

Not just for me.

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15

What if...

When did it get so difficult to form relationships?

The other day my eight year old and I were at the pool. I noticed he began swimming with another boy and wondered if they knew each other. When my son got out of the pool I asked him, “Do you know him?” And my son responded, “Yeah, that’s Ben. We ride the bus together. First, I sat next to a kid named Brandon and then Ben came. He sat with us and that is how it all began.” 

Hmm… That’s it, I thought. They just sat on the bus together and became friends. At what age does that stop? If I sat on a bus today would I even speak to the person sitting next to me? Would I even choose to sit next to anyone? What would I say if I did?

I got closer to the boys as they sat at the edge of the pool and listened. Maybe I could learn from what they say. They were talking about video games! That’s when it started to become clear.

At some point relationships had become more difficult because life had become more complicated than video games. I am no longer eight. I now make assumptions about people. I have expectations. I have fears. I might even feel the need to pretend, to be what the person on the bus wants me to be.

Maybe we don’t talk to people on buses because we are afraid. We are afraid to put ourselves out there. We are afraid of not measuring up. We are afraid we wouldn’t have anything to talk about. That we would end up sitting in awkward silence after a meaningless conversation about the weather. And why the weather? Because it is safe. Safe like video games. 

I mean what if I ask, “How are you doing?” and the person doesn’t reply with “Fine.” What if I am trapped on the bus unable to move away and the person tells me he just lost his job or that her daughter has cancer or he admits he has considered ending his life? What if their life is a mess? What if they see the dark places in my heart that I try to hide? I only got on the bus to get from point A to point B. I didn’t ask to take a detour through brokenness and pain. Through the messiness of someone’s life, let alone, having to be transparent about my own.

Maybe we should stick with talking about the weather on the bus. Maybe we should stick with only answering the preset questions in our small groups. Maybe we should call people only when they can do something for us. Maybe we should avoid making eye contact with people when we are in a hurry. Maybe we should stay away from people when we hurt them.

They are messy.

But what would life be like if we dared to ask the question, “How are you doing? No, how are you really doing?” And what if we took the time to listen. No, really listen. To hear what is on their heart and get messy on their messiness.  To really get to know them and where they are at in life. To get to know where they come from. What if we stopped making assumptions and judgments about their life? What if we really cared about them and didn’t expect anything in return? Just a genuine willingness to swim in the often murky water of the story God has given. The story where God is the main character and He gives us every encounter and every relationship. Relationships that begin by sitting on a bus next to someone, asking questions and swimming through the answers. Whatever they may be.

A Beautiful Relationship

“Peacemaker, Fear Taker, Soul Soother, Storm Smoother, Light Shiner, Lost Finder, Cloud Lifter, Deliverer, Heart Toucher, Truth Lover, Mind Clearer, Sigh Hearer, Hand Holder, Consoler, Wound Binder, Tear Drier, Strength Giver, Provider...” (Peacemaker by Greg Ferguson)

This is a relationship. A beautiful relationship. A beautiful relationship between a Creator and His creation. When we know God this intimately it should compel us to know Him deeper and pour that out onto others. These are not things I desire on my own. On my best days I would still rather be provided for than to provide. I would still rather be consoled than to console or be protected over protecting someone else. But when I really understand and rest in the intimacy of my loving God I know that I am protected, consoled, and provided for and nothing can protect me, comfort me or provide for me better than the very One who created me.

This frees me and allows me to give myself away in the same way.  I become a reflection of who He is. When others look at me do they see a mirror that reflects the beauty of their Creator? Do I say things to people that build them up? Do I hold their hand and gently walk them towards His truth? Do I go to people when they are hurting so that they can be led to the One who heals better than anyone? Do I rescue them from hiding and dry their tears on His pillow of comfort?  Do I give strength to those who are struggling to stand so that through my physical body others can feel an invisible God? Do I hear the sighs of the broken? Am I willing to ask my creator to reveal how every person I am in contact with needs to see Him, feel Him or touch Him today and then shine His light on them? Or maybe I am more concerned with protecting myself. Licking my own wounds. Smoothing the storms of my own life.

A relationship doesn’t look the way we often think. We often think a relationship is give a little, get a little. If we give a lot we can and do expect a lot in return. But that is not God’s design. He gives to us things we could never repay. He gives to us things we don’t deserve. He gives to us expecting nothing in return. Am I a friend like that or do I pursue people on the account of what they can do for me? Do I genuinely love God’s people because I am so intimately related to Him that what grieves Him grieves me? Or am I loving and nice in order to manipulate the people around me to do things? I mean even if they are things like trying to persuade people to follow Jesus, attend church, grow church, or serve in the church it is still conditional, strings attached, love.

I am so thankful that God is not that kind of Friend, Father, or Rescuer to me. I am thankful that He chose me while I was no use to Him whatsoever. As I trust in who He is and allow His Spirit to fill me, I no longer need creation to fill me and I can freely pour into creation what God pours into me. Unconditional Love.

This is a relationship. A beautiful relationship.

More Than A Paper Clip

One day I was at my son’s school for a special walk day at recess. On about the third lap around we noticed there was a teacher handing out paper clips and she asked my son if he wanted one. He didn’t realize that they were supposed to be getting paper clips for each lap they walked. He politely answered, “Yes.” She told him, “Here are two for starting out and then I will give you one more for walking that first lap.” My son kept walking, all the while the wheels were turning in his head. He was thinking over the fact that he had just been cheated out of a few paper clips because he hadn’t started getting them until his third lap. After a few minutes, he looked up at me and said, “I think I will just hide these in my pocket, and then, when I go around again, I will get three instead of only one.” He was quite smart to think about the fact that if he did this, he would again get the bonus two for starting and the one for the lap he had just completed. I guess he figured that then he would no longer be cheated out of what was rightfully his.

I asked him, “Wouldn’t that be lying?” I then continued to talk to him about how that would not be right. As we made our way around to the teacher with the paper clips again, we had to wait for the boy in front of us to receive his clip. The teacher asked the boy, “Was this your first lap?” The boy answered “yes” with a suspicious grin on his face. The teacher, knowing this boy, further questioned him with her eyebrows raised, “Really?” The boy then admitted that, no, it was in fact not his first lap. The teacher gave him the one paper clip he had earned and sent him on his way. (Apparently, there are a lot of clever boys in the third grade.)

It was then my son’s turn. He walked up to receive his clip, and as the teacher handed it to him, he looked up at her and admitted to her, with me, his responsible parent standing by his side, “I was going to do the same thing, so I could get more too.”

I was so embarrassed and humiliated that he would confess this to her. As we walked away, I had started to say, “Why in the world did you just tell her that,” but I stopped myself mid-sentence. I realized I was teaching my son to pretend. He was being honest about what was in his heart, and I was teaching him to pretend. I took a different approach and asked him, “Why didn’t you do it? Why didn’t you lie to get more?” He laughingly answered, “Because you told me not to.” Oh, this was getting better by the minute! So I asked him, “Do you think it should have been because that would have been dishonest? And dishonesty hurts you and hurts other people?” I asked him if lying would have been the “right” choice, and to my relief he agreed it would not have been.

After the laps were finished and it was time to go inside, over fifty kids were circled around the teacher with their hands out, waiting to receive their last paper clip. My son made his way over, but with all the pushing and shoving going on, he kept getting pushed back out of the circle. It didn’t take long for me to realize that it was going to take forever for him to get his last clip. I walked over to him and asked, “Is that paper clip that important to you?” He answered with a no and walked away with me with only four paper clips on his chain. I asked him, “How many laps did you walk?” He wasn’t sure but thought he had done about nine or so. I asked him, “Do you need a paper clip to show how many laps you did today?” He responded with a sincere “no.” He agreed that even if he had gotten one more paper clip, it still wouldn’t have been the right amount. I said to him, “You know how many laps you did, and that is all that matters. Besides what's really important is that we got to enjoy walking together today.”

It was time for him to line up with the other boys and girls in his class, and as we stood there, I realized the paper clips were apparently very important. They did matter to some. One boy had nine paper clips and the girl in front of my son had fourteen. It was a matter of pride. Each child wanted to be the one that had the most when they went back to class. They were trying to find their fulfillment in a paper clip.

I want to teach my children that they don’t need a prize to feel important, that they don’t need to try to be better than anyone, and that they certainly don’t need to pretend. What truly matters is what is going on in their hearts and there is only one thing that can fix all that is broken. And it's not a paper clip. There is only one who can heal why we want to be dishonest and come out ahead, and why we look to others to feel better about ourselves. There is only one who we can find our true identity in. And it's not a paper clip. It is the very person that we were created to get our fulfillment from in the first place. It is the very person that created us.

If you have been taught to pretend, go to Him like a child and confess the dishonesty of your heart, and let Him heal you. He loves you, and He wants to fill you up.  Let your identity be found in Him.

 

The Chase

I remember when my son was about two years old he loved to wander away from me. It used to scare me to the point I would have nightmares that he would wander away while I was feeding my daughter and I would not know where to find him.

When he would wander away I would look all over for him, my heart pounding and fear running through my veins. Then I would spot him and relief would set in. A sense of peace would come over me. And then he would look up and see me. And he would run. Away. Again.

The chase would begin. I would get close to catching him and then he would run the other way. He was afraid to be caught and I couldn’t bear losing him. He was afraid to face punishment and I just wanted to love him and keep him safe. I knew what could happen if he ran into the street. He didn’t. I knew what could happen if he didn’t stay with me, holding my hand. He didn’t. I knew he was worth risking my life for. He didn’t.

Do we understand that our Father wants to protect His children and keep them safe? Do we understand that He knows what can happen to us when we run from Him? Do we understand what can be if we stay with Him and hold His hand? Do we understand that He felt we were worth risking His life for? Do we live like we believe that He couldn’t bear losing us so much that He gave His one and only son to take our punishment?

Stop the chase. Surrender yourself and believe that He loves you and knows what is best. He is chasing you and the price had already been paid. Run into the arms of your Father and live inside the space where He is able to protect His much loved child.

Crockpot Jesus

Do you ever get the feeling that God is a procrastinator? Have you ever wished His timing was less like a crockpot and more like a microwave?  In our “want it now” culture we have come to expect instant results and quick solutions.

I used to struggle with wanting to know what I should do or how things would end up. This anxiety and impatience was especially strong when life felt hard or I was suffering. I would cry out to God desperately wanting to know what He was cooking up in my life.  I didn’t really care how He preferred to cook it, in a microwave or a crockpot; I just really wanted a taste.  I wanted to know what the plan was so I could just do what He wanted me to.  But He was procrastinating…

I don’t know about you but I hate it when my kids ask me what’s for dinner.  When they come into the kitchen and lift the lid to the crockpot and they catch a glimpse before it is ready, I brace myself. I know it will be followed by complaining about what they just saw and dreading what’s to come. Funny thing is when the time comes to sit down to dinner they are always ready and hungry and often desire more.

I began to wonder if that is what God thought when I would try to skip the process and ask Him to just give me a taste.  I wanted to lift the lid just for a peek trying to turn crockpot Jesus into the latest microwave version. But I was not ready to taste and see what was coming.  I would say to Him, “Here I am, take all of me, use me Lord, I’m waiting,” but the whole time I was saying that I was not trusting Him to know when He was done preparing the meal He had for me.

I found myself really wrestling with where God wanted me. I even tried to read Job and realized I had a problem for sure. I wasn’t even patient enough to read what God told him.  I found myself wanting to skip ahead and find out what happened. What formula did Job use to fix what he was going through?  Job was definitely getting the crockpot version of God and I was determined to microwave his story to get a solution to my problem.

But, when we wait we get hungry.  When we wait we become ready for what God has for us, and we desire more of Him. One day it hit me.  I realized I had to start living in the now and stop worrying about tomorrow. God spoke to me, and the weirdest part was, it came out of my own mouth as I spoke to my youngest child at breakfast.  He was four at the time and he was extremely worked up at the fact that his older brother had eaten all of the cereal he wanted.  I poured him a bowl of his favorite cereal to have instead, but he continued to whine. And as I spoke to my son I heard God say to me, “Are you going to continue to whine about what you don’t have or come and eat what you do have?”

So often we focus on finding a solution, getting results, and figuring out a formula to get what we want. We say we trust God but we live in fear of the cost that what we don’t have is better than what God has already given us.  Often what we really fear is the unknown. If God only gives good gifts then how could the cost be bad? If our hands are full of the things we think we must control or are too afraid to let go of we can’t fully receive God’s gift.  Our hands need to be empty, our hearts expectant and our crockpot setting left on "serve".

“We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” Romans 5:3-5

Words On Paper~

I walk into a building. I am confused. There are people moving around. They are rushing to get somewhere. Hurrying in and out. Never looking back. Rushing through doors opened by someone else without a word. No thank you’s are spoken. No offerings are given. I look around longing for someone to notice me. To say hello. To welcome me into what is already happening. To speak to my son. He has questions. Is this for real? But they are too busy. Hurrying. Doing. To slow down and notice their purpose is right in front of them. Someone longing to be pursued. To be loved.

 

Then I move towards them. I pursue them. I slow down to engage them. I have them for a moment. Then it is gone. Without a look back they are gone. Rushing again. Where are they going? I follow. I hear someone talking. Sharing words. Words on paper. Words that make sense to me. Words that tell. Words that tell us to love. Words that tell us to serve. Words that tell us to engage. Words that tell us to commune. Words that tell us to pursue. Words that tell us to sacrifice. Words that tell us to pray. Words that tell us to worship.

 

I look around. I see people sitting. I see people listening. I see people receiving. I hear them now. They are singing. Words on paper. Words that say we are loved. Words that say we are forgiven. Words that say we are free. And then it’s gone. 

The lights become bright. People are moving. They are rushing. Hurrying. They move without a thought. They get up before praying. They go without serving. They disconnect before communing. They depart without loving. They are too busy to put words into action. They leave words on paper.

How can we slow them down? How can we show them that the words became flesh? A sacrifice was made so our work could again become worship. Our love become service. Our world become pursued. Our lives become worth living. Our sacrifices become joy. Our prayers become offerings. Our words become flesh. 

We become the church.

The few, the proud, the privileged... Am I one of them?

How could Jesus never have thought to himself, “Next time I’m going to push them out of the way?” Especially Him. I mean He was God; the Savior of the world. “I came to serve, not be served," He said. He never sinned? Never?

One day, a few years ago, I came home from taking my kids to school and my rather "annoying" neighbor that lived in the apartment above me, was on her way out. Okay, I don’t mean rather, I mean she had a dog over the weight limit rule and she let it bark at me right in my space. She also thought she owned the parking lot every time she was going anywhere. She always made sure she edged you out. You know the “entitled” type: “The few, the proud, the privileged.” Well, as I was coming up the stairs I heard her coming down. Then we met in the middle, on the platform, where there was only enough room for one person to go through at a time.

Guess who? Yep, she keeps going past me and says, “Thanks." Not in a sincere “thank you” type of way, but in a, “Thanks for recognizing my majesty,” sort of way. And as she walked away I thought, “Next time I am going to go first. I will edge her out of the way; push her down even, because she is just becoming too entitled. She doesn’t deserve to go first every time. She is always the one to go first and I can’t just let her walk all over me…”

Then I thought, “How on earth, especially on Earth, did Jesus, of all people, not push someone down.” And then I thought, “Oh great, and she was carrying a heavy load. Jesus would have gone over and carried her load for her all the way to her LEXUS!” But me? Oh no. All I could do is picture her papers flying out of her hands as she fell to the ground. Just so I could get to my apartment first. Because I deserve to go first, at least sometimes. I mean if she does, I do, right?

But wait, Jesus said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” Who wanted to be first here? Who thought they were entitled?

When I love the lovable, does the world see God? Jesus said, “Even sinners do that.” (Luke 6:33) When I love the crazy entitled neighbor, does the world see God? If I pushed my neighbor down, who would she see? How would I feel? Privileged? Would I represent the Kingdom of God? Is that what heaven is like? Is that why clouds exist because in heaven everyone is pushing each other down?
 

When I harbor bitterness, do I win? What about anger? Or entitlement? Doesn’t it lead to more bitterness, anger, and entitlement and then to guilt, that I am not living up to my job description as a “Christ Follower”?

I found myself wondering, how I will survive in heaven. I had been assuming that I would change once I get there, and maybe. But doesn’t the Bible call me to live this way on Earth? To die to myself. To love God and love people. To live a life where His glory is on display. I had been fooling myself every time I would serve or lead, thinking I was doing it for God and more importantly with God. Was I?

Well, I wasn’t doing it for my own recognition, not always. I truly felt called to help the broken, when it was on my terms. When I could pick when and where and what cause to sign up for. The homeless shelter, giving money to my friend in need, but what did it mean to die to myself daily? To love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me? To walk as Jesus did, not follow like his privileged entourage?

Jesus lived His life that way. He was God, yet He came to serve, not be served. He healed the sick and loved the broken and outcasts wherever He went. (Allow me to repeat...Wherever He went!) When He died on the cross did everyone know who He was and believe He was the most amazing person ever? The Messiah? Did He go out on the cross with two thumbs pointing to the name Christ on His back? Did He fall into temptation? Why not? He knew who He was and whose He was, and most importantly He knew there was nothing better out there. He believed it! He lived it!

I have often gone through life looking for the reward, or “the blessing”, and missing it. He is my blessing. He is my treasure and my reward. I got a brand new life and a relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit: my Creator. And why? Because of Christ’s loving sacrifice.

When I wake up each day I need to remember to thank God that He chose to keep me on His Earth one more day to worship Him with my whole life. I need to remember I am not here for me. I am here for God as a reflection of who He is and I need to act that way. When I interact with other people, I have a choice to be here for me or for God. Will I choose to be faithful and believe there is nothing else out there better than what He has? Will I die knowing that it is only important for Jesus to introduce me to His Father and hear Him say, “Well done good and faithful servant”? Or will I die longing for significance from my friends and family, at work, home, church or at school? I need to remember I was created by Him and for Him.

I need to remember to love my enemies. I must die to myself daily. As I allow God to love me, He fills me up and helps me see others the way He sees them. As I go through my day I can look for ways to serve others rather than myself. Whether I am at school, at home or at church, waiting in a line at the store, commuting to work, or when my neighbor comes down the stairs and assumes her rightful route ahead of me. I can be confident and know that God is at work and I have the privilege to die to myself and to serve.