Skinny Jeans

Skinny jeans don’t make the man. Already you are probably thinking, “Finally someone willing to say what I have been thinking for years.”

Not so fast…

What if I said, “Boot cut jeans don’t make the man” or “Khakis don’t make the man”?   Do you still feel the same way?

I think we have a problem...

 

For some reason we label people by what they wear. Right now it seems to be men who wear skinny jeans. Apparently they are being accused of either trying to be “cool” or “hipster” or they are accused of not being “real” men at all. And did you know that these skinny jean wearing hipsters are even being accused of growing our churches? They are being accused of just trying to look cool to attract people to attend church. Yeah. And apparently if you hire a lot of them at your church even more people show up and they start wearing skinny jeans too. It is the craziest thing!

 But what if I told you that under the skinny jeans stands a young man more comfortable in his own skin than the Pope in his robe? What if I told you that under the skinny jeans stands a young man who loves God and loves people and lives to glorify his creator? What if I told you this young man fed the homeless and elderly and cared for the misfits? What if I told you that this young man missed every recess for months to sit with a friend who couldn’t play so that the kid wouldn’t be alone? What if I told you that every day for three years this young man was called a “faggot” just for wearing skinny jeans and that still didn’t make him change because He believes and follows the One who is unchanging?

Skinny jeans don’t make the man and neither do khakis. God looks at the hearts behind all kinds of pants. The love of a Father lived through His sons and daughters who wear skinny jeans, khakis, capris, dresses, ties, hats, shorts, tattoos, piercings, beanies, robes and fanny packs grow His church. Sure, some churches try to attract people to come to church. And so often it is because they genuinely and desperately want to share the Good News and let the world know of God’s amazing love. Other churches bash the ones who are trying to attract people by judging their motives just like the young man was judged for wearing skinny jeans.

The church needs to remember it is the bride of Christ. We are not called to compete, judge, or attract to fill seats. We are to invite people to a dwelling place; a safe place from a world full of labels and ranks. We are to be His glory on display, redeemed by the blood of Christ and resurrected from death to life.  We are a people who have the living God dwelling inside of us. So let us rise up and move, and love, and pursue, and shelter, and reconcile. Go and make disciples however the Holy Spirit calls you to, in whatever clothes you are made to wear. You have been given everything you need in Christ!

 

 

I am not a greeter at Wal-Mart

I once had a manager ask, “Do you feel greeted or do you feel welcomed when you walk into Wal-Mart?” I thought it was a great question. It was a question he had asked to encourage the employees to think about welcoming customers into our retail store, but it made me think. What is the difference between being greeted and being welcomed?

I thought about it and realized being greeted is more in the moment. It is a polite gesture that says, “Good morning” or “We’re glad you’re here,” but it doesn’t go beyond that. Being welcomed, however, is much more. It invites people in. It accepts them. People get a sense that they will be genuinely loved and cared for. When I welcome people I ask open ended questions that should ultimately lead to open ended relationships. I want to get to know them. I want to learn more about who they are. I ask things like, “What brings you in today?” I find out what they are in search of. If I want to know how I can best serve someone I have to ask these kinds of questions. I must be willing to take the time to hear their story. I also need to follow up with people. This isn’t a, “How are you today?” “Fine thank you.” exchange. This is so much more.

I guess that is why I have never been a fan of “greeters” at church. I know that seems so outrageous and you are probably wondering without a welcoming committee how in the world would people feel welcomed and new people know where to go? How would people get information on where to check their children in or where the bathrooms are located? Who would hold the door open for people as they came in and smile politely saying words like “hello” and “welcome”? Do you have any idea who might be able to do all of those things? I am going to suggest something crazy for a moment. I am going to suggest the answer is God’s people.

That’s right! I said it. I mean what would our churches be like if we move from greeters to welcomers? What would our families be like? What would our neighborhoods be like? What would our cities be like? What would our world be like? If we really understood how deep and how wide God’s love is for each one of His people, wouldn’t we live differently? Think about it for a moment. If Christ is in us and we are His glory on display through the work of the Holy Spirit in and through us then I ask, “Is our love deep and wide enough for each person who should walk into a building?” What about the people who live with us? Our children, our spouses, our roommates, our parents. What about the people that live next door or drive the same route to work as we do? Shouldn’t we move towards all people, both the lost and the found, and ask how we can serve them? Or maybe we should leave that up to a handful of people who have the gift of greeting and wear a lanyard. Or worse yet, leave it up to a handful of people who don’t have the gift of greeting and wear a lanyard.

Is it just me or should we not be the ones looking to open the doors of the church for one another? Should we not be the ones looking for how we can serve one another? Should we not be the ones looking to help parents and their children? Not just in checking into classes in a building but helping them find their way through the often overwhelming responsibility of parenting? Do we now need classes for such a thing? Should it not start with dying to ourselves and laying down our lives for the sake of another as Christ did for us?

If we slow down and open our eyes to the people around us could we be transformed from greeters to welcomers? Maybe we could ask open ended questions and respond with love and service. Maybe we could follow up with the people we are in contact with and make sure they have everything they need. I believe we can all become welcomers if we ask God to fill us with His love and His desires for His people. He chose each and every one of us and invites us all to participate it the great work of His Kingdom. All we have to do is say “yes” and we get the great privilege of welcoming for His glory.

No, God did not call me to be a greeter at Walmart. I have been welcomed and now being a greeter will not satisfy.

“Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” Romans 15:7

Letting GO

It has been eighteen years since my oldest was born. I loved Him before I even knew he was being formed inside of me. He was a part of me and I would do anything to protect him. He was my son and I would do anything to provide for him.  And I think I caught a glimpse of what God must have felt when He created man.

While I carried him inside of me I would walk by an old delivery truck on my way to college every morning. The exhaust was so terrible I remember holding my breath to keep it from hurting him and his immature lungs. After he was born I walked by that same truck as I pushed him tucked securely in his stroller. And I held my breath. In that moment I knew that I could no longer protect him in the same way I had for nine months. He was in the world now and the things of this world would try to come against my provisions for him. I would do my best to keep him safe, comforted, and protected. I would do my best to love him unconditionally, teach him truth, and provide him with the things he needed. But I knew one day he would make his own choices. I couldn’t protect him forever. I couldn’t choose for him forever. I had to let go and choose to trust in God’s provisions for him.

Through the teenage years this was tough. As a parent you really want to protect your child from making any mistakes. You want to protect your child from getting hurt or experiencing any pain at all. And I think I caught a glimpse of what God felt when Eve chose to eat the fruit.

You can give your children everything that is good, right and true and they still will choose to believe the lies of the enemy. They will still need to find out for themselves if what they were told is truly good, right and true. We don’t want that for them because we know that if they chase anything but their creator they will be right where Eve was and right where you and I have been. But that is the amazing thing about grace and about who God is. Even after Eve ate the fruit God did not stop the conversation with her. When we look to other things to fulfill us He still chases us. He still chooses to come after us with His unrelenting, steadfast love.

So chase your teen. By that I mean, love them and teach them about the garden and how you too were there. Don’t give up trying to have conversations. Tell them the reason you want to hold tightly is that you are afraid to let go because you know that they will want to chase after things. And chasing anything but bringing glory to God is a dead end. Teach them that there are consequences to disobedience. But most importantly show them the cross and how much they are loved. Model for them that they don’t have to hide like Eve did. They don’t have to pretend. They can come to you just as they are and you will have ring and robe in hand. And then let them choose. Because that is what a loving parent would do.


“While the son was still a long way off, his father saw him. He was filled with tender love for his son. He ran to him. He threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer fit to be called your son.’

 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattest calf and kill it. Let’s have a big dinner and celebrate. This son of mine was dead. And now he is alive again. He was lost. And now he is found.’ “So they began to celebrate.” Luke 15:20-24

eight-TEEN

It has been eighteen years since my oldest was born. I loved Him before I even knew he was being formed inside of me. He was a part of me and I would do anything to protect him. He was my son and I would do anything to provide for him.  And I think I caught a glimpse of what God must have felt when He created man.

 

While I carried him inside of me I would walk by an old delivery truck on my way to college every morning. The exhaust was so terrible I remember holding my breath to keep it from hurting him and his immature lungs. After he was born I walked by that same truck as I pushed him tucked securely in his stroller. And I held my breath. In that moment I knew that I could no longer protect him in the same way I had for nine months. He was in the world now and the things of this world would try to come against my provisions for him. I would do my best to keep him safe, comforted, and protected. I would do my best to love him unconditionally, teach him truth, and provide him with the things he needed. But I knew one day he would make his own choices. I couldn’t protect him forever. I couldn’t choose for him forever. I had to let go and choose to trust in God’s provisions for him.

 

Through the teenage years this was tough. As a parent you really want to protect your child from making any mistakes. You want to protect your child from getting hurt or experiencing any pain at all. And I think I caught a glimpse of what God felt when Eve chose to eat the fruit.

 

You can give your children everything that is good, right and true and they still will choose to believe the lies of the enemy. They will still need to find out for themselves if what they were told is truly good, right and true. We don’t want that for them because we know that if they chase anything but their creator they will be right where Eve was and right where you and I have been. But that is the amazing thing about grace and about who God is. Even after Eve ate the fruit God did not stop the conversation with her. When we look to other things to fulfill us He still chases us. He still chooses to come after us with His unrelenting, steadfast love.

 

So chase your teen. By that I mean, love them and teach them about the garden and how you too were there. Don’t give up trying to have conversations. Tell them the reason you want to hold tightly is that you are afraid to let go because you know that they will want to chase after things. And chasing anything but bringing glory to God is a dead end. Teach them that there are consequences to disobedience. But most importantly show them the cross and how much they are loved. Model for them that they don’t have to hide like Eve did. They don’t have to pretend. They can come to you just as they are and you will have ring and robe in hand. And then let them choose. Because that is what a loving parent would do.

 

“While the son was still a long way off, his father saw him. He was filled with tender love for his son. He ran to him. He threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer fit to be called your son.’

 

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattest calf and kill it. Let’s have a big dinner and celebrate. This son of mine was dead. And now he is alive again. He was lost. And now he is found.’ “So they began to celebrate.” Luke 15:20-24

The Price of Forgiveness

The other day I was brought back to a place that I should have known as shelter and instead I knew as pain. I entered full of a joy, not of my own, but soon felt it fade as I began to look around me. I started to think of the heartache that I felt the last time I had been there. I thought I had forgiven, but now I was face to face with the very instrument that had caused me to hurt deep into my soul. I wanted desperately to forgive and to harbor no bitterness or rage in my heart, but there I was standing at its feet. I was torn as to which way to look. Do I look to keep rehashing the pain or do I choose to be done? As I looked on I pictured the cross and thought, “Oh man, forgiveness sucks!”

I started to think about the cost. About the length that the Creator of the universe went to forgive me. I almost laughed in spite of myself as I thought about how I have wanted to hate people in the past because they have brought me pain. I started to realize how quick I am to become angry or “hate” someone over even just one false statement or accusation. And let’s just assume for a minute I am perfect. Let’s just assume I have never done any of these wrong things myself to anyone. Let’s just assume the only thing I have ever done is love with a pure, unconditional, steadfast love. Would I give my life for the people who hurt me? Would I leave my perfect home where I am praised every minute of every day to go and be mocked and tortured and beaten and die for all the people who have wronged me? There are days I wonder if I would even do that for my best friends and family members; the ones who treat me with love and respect. Oh yeah, forgiveness sucks!

At least it does when I look at what has been done to me. But isn’t it crazy when I look at what has been done for me? I have been forgiven. The One and Only, Holy God, and Creator of the universe, freely chose to leave His perfect home and give His life for me. To rescue me. To redeem me. To forgive me. He chose me. And let’s just be honest I am not perfect. I have done to Him and others the very same wrongs that have been done to me. I have not loved Him or others with a pure, unconditional, steadfast love. I didn’t receive forgiveness because I deserve it. So why should I choose to forgive only if someone deserves it? I choose to forgive because He forgave me. Forgiveness requires me to die to serve. I chose to die to myself to serve the One and Only God who gave His life for me. To save me. To free me. To forgive me.

He chose to forgive me so I could have life. A life free to love and to live in relationship with Him and others.The price of forgiveness has already been paid.

Not just for me.

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15

What if...

When did it get so difficult to form relationships?

The other day my eight year old and I were at the pool. I noticed he began swimming with another boy and wondered if they knew each other. When my son got out of the pool I asked him, “Do you know him?” And my son responded, “Yeah, that’s Ben. We ride the bus together. First, I sat next to a kid named Brandon and then Ben came. He sat with us and that is how it all began.” 

Hmm… That’s it, I thought. They just sat on the bus together and became friends. At what age does that stop? If I sat on a bus today would I even speak to the person sitting next to me? Would I even choose to sit next to anyone? What would I say if I did?

I got closer to the boys as they sat at the edge of the pool and listened. Maybe I could learn from what they say. They were talking about video games! That’s when it started to become clear.

At some point relationships had become more difficult because life had become more complicated than video games. I am no longer eight. I now make assumptions about people. I have expectations. I have fears. I might even feel the need to pretend, to be what the person on the bus wants me to be.

Maybe we don’t talk to people on buses because we are afraid. We are afraid to put ourselves out there. We are afraid of not measuring up. We are afraid we wouldn’t have anything to talk about. That we would end up sitting in awkward silence after a meaningless conversation about the weather. And why the weather? Because it is safe. Safe like video games. 

I mean what if I ask, “How are you doing?” and the person doesn’t reply with “Fine.” What if I am trapped on the bus unable to move away and the person tells me he just lost his job or that her daughter has cancer or he admits he has considered ending his life? What if their life is a mess? What if they see the dark places in my heart that I try to hide? I only got on the bus to get from point A to point B. I didn’t ask to take a detour through brokenness and pain. Through the messiness of someone’s life, let alone, having to be transparent about my own.

Maybe we should stick with talking about the weather on the bus. Maybe we should stick with only answering the preset questions in our small groups. Maybe we should call people only when they can do something for us. Maybe we should avoid making eye contact with people when we are in a hurry. Maybe we should stay away from people when we hurt them.

They are messy.

But what would life be like if we dared to ask the question, “How are you doing? No, how are you really doing?” And what if we took the time to listen. No, really listen. To hear what is on their heart and get messy on their messiness.  To really get to know them and where they are at in life. To get to know where they come from. What if we stopped making assumptions and judgments about their life? What if we really cared about them and didn’t expect anything in return? Just a genuine willingness to swim in the often murky water of the story God has given. The story where God is the main character and He gives us every encounter and every relationship. Relationships that begin by sitting on a bus next to someone, asking questions and swimming through the answers. Whatever they may be.

A Beautiful Relationship

“Peacemaker, Fear Taker, Soul Soother, Storm Smoother, Light Shiner, Lost Finder, Cloud Lifter, Deliverer, Heart Toucher, Truth Lover, Mind Clearer, Sigh Hearer, Hand Holder, Consoler, Wound Binder, Tear Drier, Strength Giver, Provider...” (Peacemaker by Greg Ferguson)

This is a relationship. A beautiful relationship. A beautiful relationship between a Creator and His creation. When we know God this intimately it should compel us to know Him deeper and pour that out onto others. These are not things I desire on my own. On my best days I would still rather be provided for than to provide. I would still rather be consoled than to console or be protected over protecting someone else. But when I really understand and rest in the intimacy of my loving God I know that I am protected, consoled, and provided for and nothing can protect me, comfort me or provide for me better than the very One who created me.

This frees me and allows me to give myself away in the same way.  I become a reflection of who He is. When others look at me do they see a mirror that reflects the beauty of their Creator? Do I say things to people that build them up? Do I hold their hand and gently walk them towards His truth? Do I go to people when they are hurting so that they can be led to the One who heals better than anyone? Do I rescue them from hiding and dry their tears on His pillow of comfort?  Do I give strength to those who are struggling to stand so that through my physical body others can feel an invisible God? Do I hear the sighs of the broken? Am I willing to ask my creator to reveal how every person I am in contact with needs to see Him, feel Him or touch Him today and then shine His light on them? Or maybe I am more concerned with protecting myself. Licking my own wounds. Smoothing the storms of my own life.

A relationship doesn’t look the way we often think. We often think a relationship is give a little, get a little. If we give a lot we can and do expect a lot in return. But that is not God’s design. He gives to us things we could never repay. He gives to us things we don’t deserve. He gives to us expecting nothing in return. Am I a friend like that or do I pursue people on the account of what they can do for me? Do I genuinely love God’s people because I am so intimately related to Him that what grieves Him grieves me? Or am I loving and nice in order to manipulate the people around me to do things? I mean even if they are things like trying to persuade people to follow Jesus, attend church, grow church, or serve in the church it is still conditional, strings attached, love.

I am so thankful that God is not that kind of Friend, Father, or Rescuer to me. I am thankful that He chose me while I was no use to Him whatsoever. As I trust in who He is and allow His Spirit to fill me, I no longer need creation to fill me and I can freely pour into creation what God pours into me. Unconditional Love.

This is a relationship. A beautiful relationship.